World Spins On - Family time, Kidney Stone, and Start of School

Lily's excitement around starting high school and being busy with volleyball pushed the rest of the family into thinking about fall mode and mentally introducing the idea of working towards a family routine again.  Besides Lily, the rest of us really wanted more downtime, summer mode, family time, and time to breathe and grieve.  Eric remains very much on our minds.  August plays a bit like a montage of vivid moments of our time with Eric, grieving as a family, quiet moments alone, and celebrating Eric all together with loved ones.  I continue to play more music than ever before as a way to cope and connect with Eric.  

We are one week into the new school year.  Lily surprised us by making varsity volleyball as an outside hitter.  We are super proud of her and also quickly learning that we see even less of Lily now.  Elise surprised us by wanting to give cross country a try. I can't help but think Eric's well known love of running may have had something to do with that.  We are super proud of her for giving it a try.  She doesn't have sensation on much of her special foot and gets sore after too much time on it, yet here she is wanting to give it a go.  Paul is still coming back from injury so his typical busy fall sports schedule is very light.  I'm very curious how this all plays out once he's better.  He is biking a lot more again and seems to like it.  He also doesn't seem to be missing tennis that much.  I just want him to find a sport that puts a fire in his butt to want to really work hard and put in the time.

We will remember the start of this school year with a trip to the emergency room.  Elise passed a kidney stone!  They all started with sudden screams from her bedroom.  A parent knows their kid's sounds and I immediately knew something "big" was going on.  Elise made it clear telling us that she needs to go to the ER quickly and while Nate and I bickered about whether to take her to the ER or call the doctor first, Elise had crawled down the stairs and was putting her shoes on to declare that she was going to the ER with or without us.  After 2 hours of horrible pain,  like a balloon popping inside her lower abdomen (as Elise described it), the pain went away.  We didn't know until the very end of our six hour stay at the ER that it was a kidney stone, but all in all it was probably the best case outcome.

Nate was incredible being there for me and for our family in whatever way was needed.  He even stepped out of his comfort zone and hosted our annual block party all on his own while I was with Eric and family.  He had a family funeral of sweet Uncle Bill on the same day as Eric's funeral and he simply figured out a way to honor both, while driving back and forth between Ann Arbor and Chicago with Paul and Elise.  

As we continue into Fall, I'm going to let a quote I read help keep me focused.  "So, what if, instead of thinking about solving your whole life, you just think about adding additional things.  One at a time.  Just let your pile of good things grow."

The back of Eric's funeral photo card.  Miss you dude.

Family photo in Chicago.  You can see Eric's urn to the right.

Lolo and Ken swept Elise away for an early morning Chicago boat ride.

Chicago airshow kept our eyes on the sky 

Enjoyed a Sauvie Island date with my kids shortly after returning from Florida

Sisters, Oregon.  Family getaway for a few days in between saying goodbye to Eric and his celebration of life.  Paul is channeling Eric's classic expression in photos.

Paul is super proud of his homemade milkshake creation. He calls it the Paulinator.

Shout out to Nate and the kids for continuing to host our annual block party in my absence.

   

Elise spent some good time with Grandma and her cousin Charlotte in Ann Arbor.

A special outing to a Tigers game.

 Paul got to play a round of golf for the first time after getting some short game practice with Grandpa in Ann Arbor.

The night before school started, Elise in the ER getting tests run to diagnose her lower abdominal pain.  She was determined to still go to school after passing a kidney stone less than 12 hours before.

Obligatory first week kid's photo at our local fro yo spot.

With Paul still injured, he has been biking a lot more these days.

      Lily's first day of school photo.  

9th grade.  High schooler!

Paul and Elise.  6th graders.  Middle Schoolers now!

 

My Brother Eric. 4/12/1970 to 8/3/2023

My big brother took his last breath last Thursday August 3.  He was surrounded by family and his best friends. It was an honor to be with him in his final week.  

He fought cancer admirably for 14 years.  He was determined to watch his kids grow up. Gosh, he loved Jill, Ryan, and Emma so much and it showed how much they were #1 in everything he did. Jill and Eric stayed aggressive with treatment and it worked for a long time, giving them the ability to raise their kids the way they hoped: living life fully, traveling a lot, finding success in Eric's career, and being there for their kids.  

He was incredibly funny and so ridiculously smart. His humor could be witty, silly, or completely inappropriate. I loved it. We would sing the Luv's jingle "A baby's comfort begins with Luvs, Luv" over and over as a game as to if we end on harmony or same.  Also, this darn Stetson's commercial jingle we would sing and over analyze.  My sister has many more of these types of silly memories with him because they were closer in age.  I'm going to miss our banter and his witty comebacks. His elephant memory means so many details of our family are gone with him.  It's incredible how much he could recall.

I used to sneak into his bedroom to check out my cool older brother's stuff.  His bedroom door was covered in newspaper clippings of UofM basketball Fab 5.  I got introduced to his love of Guns N Roses at a young age and boy did he love Sweet Child O Mine.  The back of his headboard was a rock climbing wall of old gum. Otherwise, his room was surprisingly kept quite tidy.  

I watched with teenage eyes as he began his adult life making so many great friends in college, starting his first job, falling in love, marrying Jill, and becoming such a proud Dad to Ryan and Emma.  I was so busy being self absorbed in my teenage and early college years but it was never lost on me how much I admired him as he helped shape who I am and who I gravitate towards.  I actually thought he was cool.

We have been sharing and trading music playlists regularly since the cassette era.  Then, it moved to the CD era where he had an impressive CD collection that he very much preferred in alphabetical order.  It all eventually evolved to sharing end of year playlists with each other in this last phase.  Music was easily one of his ways to connect.  At my wedding which he emceed,  we rocked out hard to the Killers "Soul but not a Soldier" - easily a top memory for me.  

I'm going to miss our big family trips together and making new memories as well as reminiscing about old memories.  So many old family stories that would probably make Nate and Jill think "not this again"  but sharing stories is what we did.  What a hard time we gave Eric for loving his shark tooth necklace from Mexico, his ability to only play one song on the piano - Drummer Boy, and how he would sing like Bob Dylan.  Eric loved fireworks so much that he started putting on an impressive show at the beach by his cottage at Thunder Road. 

I'm going to miss his big expressive eyes. Sure, his height stood out, but it's his eyes that I know will stick with me.  He knew how to be a lazy punk at times but no question, those who knew him saw his softer and more sensitive side; he could be quite sweet and playful.  It showed in his eyes.

I have this one very vivid memory when I was young, watching Family Ties with Eric and Sonya in my parent's bedroom on this little TV they had on their dresser.  There was this one scene where the Dad did something really silly with candlesticks while trying to spy on Mallory.  We all laughed so hard together.  It stuck with me.   I've started watching the series again with my family in part to find that episode.  

Eric suffered so much and really didn't complain.  For his last 15 months, Jill worked tirelessly to take care of him.  It was like whack-a-mole game while riding a rollercoaster with him constantly in and out of hospitals.  I'm glad Eric is no longer in that torture chamber of a body with everything it went through.  I really believed he'd be the poster child for acupuncture and oxygen treatments to bring him to a sustainable new quality of life.  Even though alternative treatments didn't help him long term, they did help him enjoy one final summer with his family.  

Rest in peace Eric.

Obituary

 

Bittersweet: Florida Family Time and Graduations

 About 2 months ago now, I got a call from my big brother, Eric, that he has started palliative care.  His will to fight continues but his treatment options have become more limited, off book at this point. (https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/ericbiegansky2023). Soon after that call, I got myself to Florida to live in a house with my sister and parents near my brother for 2 weeks.   We were all together again under such shitty circumstances.  We love him and we wanted to be there with him, Jill, Ryan, and Emma. In between the intense sadness, frustration, pain, and silence that fills much of Eric's days, there was much beauty to be found too. For me, it was listening to a lot of music on car rides to appointments with him and Sonya, giving each other a good amount of shit because it's what we do, and talking about whatever.   Just the fact that Sonya and I made him laugh as hard as one can over something so random is staying put in my memory bank as a go to smile.  The love is fierce and the love is strong within Eric for his family and from Jill with how she takes charge so admirably caring for Eric and her kids.

Mother's Day in Florida

Lily turned 14 in Florida.  Here she is realizing she got Beats headphones that'll come in handy for her flight to Florida

Lily wanted to try Chick Fil-A for the first time on her Birthday. She enjoys playing lots of volleyball again, chatting and spending time with friends, and being fashion/skin care/make up savvy.  She's also Lolo's height now.  

Shortly after returning to Portland, the school year was starting to wrap up.  This year's end of school marked a couple of significant milestones for our family.  Lily is now a high schooler, starting at Lincoln in the Fall.  Paul and Elise are now middle schoolers officially bringing our almost 10 years at Chapman Elementary to an end.  Our hearts are full and we are out of breath by how quickly it all goes.  No question we are excited for each of their next chapters.  I know I still need a little time to process and that's ok.  

Our summer is somewhat light but something special for each of them is scheduled.  Elise is about to do a week long camping trip with her girl scout troop.  Lily is flying to Chicago alone to be with Lolo, Oma, and Opa for a week, and Paul is going to Nebraska with his Dad and baseball team for a tournament and catch some of the College World Series.  

Pau and Elise's first day of Kindergarten at Chapman

Paul and Elise's last day of 5th grade at Chapman

Lily's first day of middle school

Lily's last day of middle school

Elise has never felt more in her element than when she was in her new suit

Elise having photo booth fun with friends at 5th grade party

First Day of Kindergarten

First day of 1st grade

Last day of 5th Grade

Last but not least, a Happy Father's Day to Nate and my Dad.  Thank you for all that you do and for putting family first always.

Happy Father's Day Dad!  The funny thing is that I had nothing to do with this filter - all him!

About to enjoy Shepherds Pie that all the kids helped make.  Happy Father's Day Nate.  

March 2023

It's the last day of Spring Break.  From years past, it sure seems like school moves into a higher gear for the final stretch.  Graduation, end of year parties, field trips, plays, spring sports, and figuring out what our summer camp and vacation plans are - there is plenty to keep us occupied.  We managed to get away for a long weekend up to Alderbrook at the start of Spring Break.  Paul was the only one not to try Oysters yet; he very much dislikes them while everyone else does.  The rest of the week was letting the kids be pretty lazy at home while we worked.  Small new wins were finding new shoes for Elise, Paul baking cookies on his own for the first time, trying out a new dinner recipe, putting up Easter decorations, and playing Password (like the game show).

Sad to say Uncle Bill passed away this past week, shortly after his 80th Birthday.  He had been dealing with ALS for ~2 years now.  The timing of his passing was very much a surprise. We thought we'd be able to see him this summer.  Uncle Bill was Nate's mom's brother.  He never forgot to send all of us handwritten birthday and anniversary cards every single year.  I picture him with a glass of red wine either in the Florida Keys, Paris, or Klinger Lake with his warm smile and kind eyes.  You are missed. 

Uncle Bill and Ray visited us in Portland before kids.  A great dinner out.  This was shortly before they went on an Alaskan cruise.

                                        

Here are some moments from the last several weeks:

                 Paul's baseball season has begun.  Finalists at Tournament #1.  They've already played 2 tournaments and have 3 tournaments in April.  All these 11 year olds still look so little to me.

Flew to Spokane with Lily for her volleyball tournament.  Enjoyed visiting downtown Spokane before heading back to the airport. She has 3 more tournaments in April and then the season starts to wind down in May. Lily is enjoying being a front row hitter.

Surprise Portland winter storm. 10 inches in one night.  This is a quick walk in the neighborhood near our house.  Rare to see this much snow downtown.

Paul finished up his rec basketball season.  Before every game, the players and people watching had to recite a pledge to essentially not be a-holes.  Paul had a great time with his crew doing basketball for the first time in any kind of organized way.

Elise got to go tubing at Mt. Hood with her Girl Scout Troop.  Fun day!

Gma and Gpa visited in March.  Good to have them back in Portland for a little bit and even got to see Paul play baseball.  Lily's tournament was just too far away being down in Eugene.  

 Hosted Oma and Opa for dinner before they left for Chicago and Florida to be with Eric and Lolo.  Also celebrated 60 years since Oma came to the US for the first time by boat at Ellis island.

Ages 13 and 11.

I just like this random photo of our kids hanging at a neighbor's house because there is nothing about this picture that tells me distinctly what decade it is.  

Swimming at Alderbrook

Family shot at the Hood Canal while making smores

Moxie being her parrot self

Yup, Moxie is odd.