On 2011

Looking back, many of our past few years are full of a lot of little events or accomplishments.  This year seems like it consisted entirely of two things:  our move to Munich and the pregnancy and birth of Paul and Elise.

In deciding to move, I don't think we fully appreciated just how difficult it would be to be so far from our friends and to make new friends here.  I was compiling a list of my favorite music of 2011, a longstanding tradition of ours that has declined over the last two years (just ask if you want the list), and I noticed that my list included mostly slow, sad songs.  Thinking about this, it occurred to me that we were probably in mourning for a good part of the year for the close friends that we were suddenly out of touch with.  Sure, we still e-mail or Skype occasionally, but where once we were in the middle of everything with our friends, now we were feeling much more remote.  Laying in bed trying to fall asleep after a 4 AM feeding last night I was likening this to an AM radio, where previously we were right by the station receiving it loud and clear, now we're at the edge of reception, making out a few words here and there and on a clear night maybe catching a few uninterrupted minutes.

As far as making new friends, unfortunately the language barrier is a bigger deal in that respect than we thought it would be.  Obvious why for me, but for Nicole a lot of her friendly banter in English is witty and sarcastic, which her German skills - while fine for getting around and having light-hearted conversation - don't allow.  There also don't seem to be many mid-30's people at the Intel office for some reason, perhaps they were whittled out in the cuts a few years ago, so I haven't found new friends through work either.

But make no mistake, this move to Germany was a large goal of ours for the past few years and we're really happy and proud that we made it happen and are living it.  No matter how it turns out, whether we return to the States soon or decide to live here long term, we know that we wouldn't want to look back in 20 years and say "I wonder what life would be like if we had lived abroad for a few years like we always talked about".

Of course we also complicated the move and adjustment by being pregnant and to our shocked surprise with more than one.  That moment in the doctor's office - me holding Lily while the doctor does the ultrasound and says "oh, there's another one" and Nicole completely losing it - is one I will never forget.  That, and watching both of our new babies emerge into the world.  Babies who are already changing and growing and doing new things, which 2012 is bound to be full of.

This post sounds like a downer, but we had plenty of good moments as well.  I got to see lots of new places for work... Milan, Paris, London and Stockholm stand out the most.  Lily's first German words and now phrases.  Visits from Portland friends and family.  A nice vacation in Slovenia and Austria.  Sunny Sundays at the outdoor swim park.  Lily's first snowman.

So 2012 is here, and I think we'll all be ok if the lows aren't quite as low and the highs aren't quite as high.  Even if they are, we survived 2011 so we're ready for whatever is in store.

3 weeks, Baptism Man, and Birthday

Captured this special moment the other day.  Was it worth the night we ended up having?  Nope, but glad I got the moment on camera. Life feels crazy and simple, loud and quiet, changing on a dime.  Having two flippin' babies at the same time has taken on a new perspective after just 3 weeks - having just one awake at a time during the day can be considered a good day.  Having to wake one who just fell asleep minutes ago when the other one wakes for a feeding hurts.  In the twins world, it's all about making sure they both eat at the same time or close to it.  Unlike with one where you let a sleeping baby sleep, not the case with twins if trying to maximize adult sleep. 

Elise and Paul were baptized the other day.  My cousin Boris (my Dad's Godson) is a Jesuit Priest in Innsbruck, Austria and was kind enough to travel to Munich to baptize the twins.  Lily calls him Baptism man which makes him seem like a super hero.  My sister, also their Godparent, was in town so it was an intimate family affair at the nearby St. Anton parish.  It was extra sweet to have it at St. Anton because my Dad was especially close to his sister named Anton who is deceased. 

Nate turned 35 yesterday.  Last year's birthday wasn't a particularly good one which is a bummer because it was literally his longest one ever.  We spent it flying from Germany to Chicago (making for a 31-hour day with the time change) with a 20 month old.  Enough said.  Not a fun day. This year turned out better.  Even though Nate began his Birthday awake at midnight pacing the house with a crying baby, got peed on by his daughter, and bought his wife some feminine hygiene products and washed my hydrogel booby pads during my feedings, he did manage to get out for a one hour bike ride.....would not have been possible without Sonya being here.  Thanks W-! 

Here are a couple more pics from Christmas time.  The last one is of our family Christmas dinner.  Nate has that look because we are holding 2 very fussy babies both wanting mom's and dad's pinky fingers to suck on which made it trying to eat Oma's yummy cooking and have a conversation over dinner. Regardless, it was really nice to be with family.

Christmas Time Moments

Within the midst of our sleep deprived fog and hamster on a wheel routine, we are still finding the magic of Christmas.  I will choose to remember the moments in these pictures as how our first Christmas season as a family of 5 (!) was celebrated.  

With Oma opening up the days Advent Calendar Gift.  Thanks Oma!

 Opa holding his namesake (and hand)

 Lily wearing her new shirt from Aunt Lolo and trying on her boots.

 Paul giving his Daddy a hug

 Snuggle time between Elise and Sonya

 Where the majority of our time is spent, in our bedroom.

Post feeding - my view of a sweet moment 

 A rare picture of me these days with my babies.

 Building a ginger bread house with our neighbor friend while babies are held in the background

 Oma and Lily playing with the same barbies Sonya and I played with decades ago

 Just hanging out together.  So crazy to me how different they look to me.

First Week with Twins

Looking back over the first week of life with Paul and Elise - surviving, being grateful, and being surprised is what comes first to mind.

I'll start with the positives because I need to do that to keep my sanity.  I had a few personal goals that I hoped I'd reach with this pregnancy.  I hoped for a vaginal birth onset by natural contractions.  BIG FAT CHECK.  Contractions started one day prior to our scheduled induction.  I got really lucky that the head doctor who we've been seeing had just started his shift when I was ready to push.  Elise came first with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck (scary enough) and then they did an ultrasound to see how Paul was positioned.  The doctor put on this elbow length glove and I could see his arm go inside of me on the ultrasound to try and turn Paul to no avail.  He later said he had to get Paul out within a few minutes or it would be C-section.  He worked his magic and Paul came out feet first (before the last push everything was out except his head) within 5 minutes.  I still choke up thinking about the miracle of this.  Not many doctors would have attempted this.

I hoped for the epidural to work this time and it did...at least when it needed to.  It didn't work from 1am to 8am while my contractions got stronger and stronger but the anesthesiologist came in 30 minutes before pushing began and hit me up with more and then the magic happened - epidurals are AMAZING.  No ring of fire, no pain, just push for the love of God, push.

I hoped for healthy and big babies carried to term (not 40 weeks term but 38 wks term) and I got 2 babies over 7 lbs. The babies are healthy; Elise has a deformation with 2 of her toes being much larger than the rest of her toes on one of her feet that will need to be operated on probably starting within 3 months but more on all that in future posts.  For now, there were no findings of correlations to internal problems on all the tests she went through at the hospital.  It looks like she's flashing a big peace sign with her 2 toes.

My final personal goal was breastfeeding.  I really enjoyed breastfeeding Lily after the hellish start so I wanted to give it a go again. My milk is in and I have enough of it.  They are starting to gain weight.  I'm starting to practice tandem nursing but wow, it's hard. Trying to get them to feed them at the same time is hard enough right now. How am I going to feed them in public? I have nipple pain and I don't get the breaks like I would if I only had one but the pain is not as bad as it was with Lily...hope I keep saying that.  I don't even want to say how much they are attached to my boobs right now, it's ridiculous.

I am surprised by how quickly I'm in love with Paul and Elise because I really didn't like my pregnancy and it took me a little while with Lily.  I thought I'd be in even more task mode with twins which turns out I am but it hasn't gotten in the way of just melting when I look at them.  I'm also surprised by how much awake time Paul and Elise are already having.  I thought the first week was all about eat and sleep.  Last night we were up from 2-4am with 2 very awake babies and now just finished a 3 hour stretch of them (o wait, Paul is still awake) being awake trying drive by feedings, another thorough feeding, and pacing and rocking - didn't miss that.  I thought that period was still coming of having to pace the house with crying babies praying so hard for them to fall asleep.

Nate and I can't help but think the thought probably all twin parents think from time to time - it would be so much easier if  it was just one.  I thought I'd be able to reap the benefits from surviving Lily and being trained to handle #2 but having twins almost throws it all out of the window because of all the help we need.

Lily is super sweet with her brother and sister always wanting to be around them which is great BUT when the time comes when we need to tell her to let them sleep or not stick her finger in their mouth, it's not a pretty sight as she throws a fit.

I was going to write about my hostage stay ---oops I meant to say hospital stay but I want to forget most of it.  I'd deal with all the crap again if it meant reaching my personal goals - wouldn't have said that in the moment when I was trying to tandem breastfeed with the families of my 2 roomies visiting on either side of me or when I really needed help and no one would come in the middle of the night.

Here are a few pics from the first week.

                                                                       Lil' with Paul

The family hanging out in the most used space this past week.

                                                             Elise and Paul with bears Lily placed by them

This was taken one week ago shortly before I went into labor.  At almost 40 weeks

                                                          One week later - hello feet

Joy and Purgatory

Extreme happiness.  And a feeling of being in a strange in-between state.  That's what's up. 

I'm sure you've all heard by now that the twins have made their grand entrance to the world.  Real contractions started around 11 PM on Dec 7 and by midnight we were at the hospital since the doctors had said to come right in once contractions began.  Things moved along through the night and by 8:13 the morning of the 8th, Elise Rinn had entered this fine world.  Her brother Paul Nicholas came five minutes later after a bit of acrobatics that I'm sure Nicole will cover in an upcoming blog.  Suffice to say, Elise & Paul had two overjoyed, overwhelmed, and exhausted parents who were still coming to grips with how different the experience was versus welcoming Lily. 

And that's basically where we still stand.  The twins are here and things are not easy, but they're probably about to get a lot harder.  Compared with Lily's arrival, I am definitely in limbo land at the moment.  With Lily, I was at Nicole's bedside from our arrival at the hospital until we left three days later.  But here, dads don't spend the night at the hospital.  Visiting hours are 8 AM to 8 PM and that's that.  So while I head home for a peaceful night's sleep, Nicole gets to deal with nighttime feedings pretty much on her own.  So while I've spent most of the twins' first three days at the hospital, I feel like I'm leading a dual life.  At the hospital during the day and coming home to put Lily to bed, relax, sleep soundly, get Lily up and ready, and hand her off to Oma and Opa for most of the day. 

Oma and Opa have been key to enabling this best of both worlds scenario, as they've powered through dealing with a two and a half year old's energy and challenges while I provide an extra set of hands and an opinion to Nicole and a familiar voice and a warm body to Paul and Elise.  It's hard to picture how frazzled Nicole would be without an extra set of hands there since the hospital we're at is just not optimized for helping new parents deal with twins.  It seems that the German standard for customer service (not quite what we spoiled Americans expect) extends into the hospital as well.  For example, Nicole was feeding one of the babies in the middle of the night last night and the other started wailing and she needed a hand to switch babies.  She called the nurses' station and was informed that it would be at least twenty minutes until someone could come to help.  Are you freaking kidding me?  Another example, Nicole needs to be examined by a doctor to be released from the hospital.  She informed the staff Friday evening that she would like this to be completed ASAP so that once the babies are ready to go home there are no more barriers.  Well here we are Saturday night and it hasn't happened yet.  Somehow a doctor couldn't find the time today to examine her.  Lame, lame, lame. 

So while the doctors and nurses here have been very thorough and cautious (more on that another time too) with the babies, we're starting to get fed up with waiting for every little thing and every estimate of how long things will take being short by a factor of two.  They keep saying things are busy with a lot of babies arriving, but come on, call in extra staff to take care of the baby boom. 

So that's where things stand.  I'm stocking up on sleep and remembering how easily holding a baby will make my wrists stiff, and Nicole could be getting halfway decent stretches of sleep too except that she's in a shared room with two Mom roommates who snore like Mack trucks.  Hopefully tomorrow will be the day we make our escape from the Frauenklinik.  I'm picturing us making a run for it, Nicole sprinting down the street with an open-back pink hospital gown and bare feet, holding one baby in each arm as the Munich snowflakes fall as lazily as the hospital staff. 

39 Weeks Pregnant with Twins

Just typing the title to this blog sounds absurd. I did not believe I'd make it this far. When I made it to 38 weeks, there was a moment when I felt proud of the accomplishment but at this point, I am just too miserable, too huge and too useless. At my appointment last week, the doctor did a quick ultrasound and said that there's still fluid and babies look good. That's it. He didn't give me weights and didn't check my cervix. He was so laid back about it which on one hand can exude confidence but on the other irritates me for not being a bit more thorough because hey, this is kind of a big deal. There is no medical reason to induce but he's fine if I want to schedule induction based purely on my level of discomfort because he said at this point there is no real benefit to keeping them in me longer; he says they're big enough. I decided against being induced because I would like the contractions to start naturally but I haven't even had a contraction yet so I might just schedule an induction after all for next week.  Lily ended up getting the flu and Nate got some kind of energy zapping cold or bug the last couple of days so there's a positive for not going into labor yet.

Another positive of still being pregnant is that I have been able to enjoy the amazing Christmas market season in Munich. It's the first year that I'm on the look out for benches more than what the booths are offering but just the atmosphere is really magical. I also got to witness Lily meeting St Nicklaus at one of her playgroups on Friday. I got choked up because I remember (probably more from pictures) doing the same thing around her age when I lived in Frankfurt.  She was a bit scared of him as you can tell from her trying to hide behind my belly but overall did well warming up enough to grab her gift from him.  We haven't figured out how to explain the differences between St Nicklaus (more bishop looking that comes a couple weeks before Christmas), the Christkind that brings the gifts on Christmas Eve, and then Santa who she wants to talk to to tell him she would like a work bench and hammer for Christmas (she's helped Daddy build a lot of Ikea furniture this year).

So the waiting continues...