Sick of Sick

Just when we thought things were starting to calm down towards a routine and normal, everything got turned upside down. For the past week all three kids have been fighting off some kind of nasty cold/flu virus which messed up everyone's sleep, kept Lily home from school for a week, and generally brought all of us to the brink of sanity. It started with Lily having a dry cough for a couple of days which evolved into a hacking cough with a low grade fever which lasted a week. Before we knew it the twins developed a cough too and within a day or two they were a miserable mess, coughing up a storm and crying day and night. No real fever for them, but for a few nights they were up every hour or two. And of course a sick Lily is a whiny Lily, and since we were being a bit permissive with her she was taking full advantage.

This all led to the first sick visit to the doctor for all three of them. Pretty amazing that Lily made it this long without a serious sickness, but pretty early for the twins to be fighting something like this. The doctor did a swab on one of the twins for a specific common flu virus and it came back positive. Which of course made us think if we were in the States this wouldn't have happened since we all would have had a flu shot. Also, Nicole and I have not gotten sick at all with this, which just makes me think it's a strain that we already had in years past and had a good level of immunity to. Anyway.

It really felt for a few days like we had gone into some kind of primitive survival mode, back into the cave trying to keep our kids safe from the world and its nasty viruses. This feeling was probably due to our collective lack of sleep which was at least as bad as the first couple of weeks with the twins at home. Especially when we noticed that Lily seemed to have developed some hearing impairment it really hit home that this was serious business yet there wasn't a heck of a lot we could do about it. She seems to have trouble hearing low, soft tones, and from talking to a few doctors it sounds like this is not unheard of but also not that common especially since she hasn't complained of any pain associated with it. And yes, it's real, she's not making it up. She has a toy computer on which she complained that a few of the buttons weren't working... the same buttons that make low, soft noises that we could hear very clearly but she couldn't until she turned up the volume and then exclaimed that they were working again. Our homeopathic doctor who we've lost confidence in recommended a nasal spray to help with this which doesn't seem to be having an effect, and we have an appointment with an ear doctor over the weekend if it doesn't seem back to normal by then.

But we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The twins are generally sleeping better now, a couple of recent nights they only had the single wake up we'd grown accustomed to. All three are still coughing to some degree, but Lily's fever has been gone for a couple of days and our fingers are crossed that her ears will return to normal soon. Through all of this I kept questioning when things were serious enough to go to the doctor, whether our doctor was a quack, whether Lily's fever might just be due to her 3-year molars coming in, whether we would have a deaf child, whether waiting was a horrible decision, and whether we would ever get a decent night's sleep again. The jury is still out on most of these questions, but at least we have enough sleep now to reasonably consider the answers.

Macrodactyly

Since the moment Elise was born, she has been flashing us a very special Peace sign with her toes.  Elise was born with a birth defect called toe macrodactyly.  Her big toe and 2nd toe and a portion of the padding on her foot is much larger than the rest of the foot.  It's incredibly rare and cause is unknown.  Nate and I decided not to think about it until our first appointment with a foot specialist when Elise turns 3 months old.  Nate did a much better job than I did not thinking about it; I did pretty well but I had my moments when I couldn't control the urge to do a google search and let my mind go into a tailspin blaming myself  and wanting so desperately to fix her condition instead of letting it be and truly realize it's out of my control.

So, here we are 3 months later and we have begun the process of figuring out what Elise has and what can be done about it.  Because the condition is so rare, we are trying to cast the net as wide as we can to get the expertise we're hoping for to decide the best course of action.   There is the risk of her condition being tied to an internal syndrome but so far everything checks out ok.  She'll continue to have internal scans for tumors for quite a while.  We are going forward assuming her condition is isolated only to her foot so we can focus on the function and cosmetics of her right foot.

We have started getting some helpful information from friends, thank you.   I also hope this blog post might pop up in a google search of another mom out there trying so desperately to find something to help their child and someone to connect with.  I am one of those mom's right now and hope to connect to other families with this condition too.

Instead of just showing you her toes, I'll leave you with a cute picture of our Elise using Pepe as a pillow.

12 Weeks In

Here we are 12 weeks in as a family of 5 and I'm already reflective.  If I'd been asked to write a list of my top 10 favorite memories during the first 12 weeks with Lily, I would have struggled and probably written down memories I'd rather forget.   Things sure are different this time around and I have a change in perspective and having my Mom here to thank for it.   I love being witness to Oma being such a regular presence in my children's lives.I haven't had this much Mom time since I was 17 years old.  If I didn't have twins, I wouldn't have had the chance to bond with my mom like we are now.  I don't feel lonely like I did with Lily because my Mom is here. When I'm annoyed rocking a crying baby yet again to sleep, my mom is right there rocking the other one or just chatting to pass the time.  If you would have known our relationship back in the day, you would really get a kick out of how far we've come.  My Mom moving to Munich during this time has set the ultimate example on what it means to drop everything showing me there is nothing more important to her than to help her children.  Thanks Oma. And a shout out to Opa who is just as big of a help, just a little bit more behind the scenes.

Funny as I reread the first paragraph, I sound so rosy but another truth is that at this moment, Lily is screaming bloody murder in her crib because of some unreasonable request, Nate has a nasty cold and is rocking (of course standing position) Paul after relieving an exhausted and achy Oma, and Elise is starting to cry AGAIN after I just put her down in her crib when I started this blog. I'm going to bed after I finish this probably at 830pm so I'm game enough for my middle of the night feeding and I'll start again tomorrow probably wearing the same outfit I wore today (yes Sonya, that green sweater).

But I'm good.  I might not have balance in my life but instead I get smiles, o my gosh, so many smiles now from both of them, can't get enough smiles.  I can't remember the last time I woke up feeling refreshed but I do get to wake up in the morning to the stretches, grunts, bubbles and coos of  babies and Lily running in wanting so badly to say good morning and hold them.  Having a quiet family dinner without someone having to get up to walk an upset baby or teach Lily another lesson in good manners is rare but there have been those magical moments looking around the table and seeing 2 babies held in loving arms smiling at me while Lily eats nicely talking probably about the Wizard of Oz. I won't miss the process of swaddling and trying to put a sleepy baby down only to wake up again right away over and over again but I will miss rubbing my nose and cheek against their smooth and warm head.  I won't miss Lily testing us a bit more lately and lashing out at Oma but I will miss how incredibly sweet she is with Paul and Elise.  I have been pleasantly surprised by how interested, gentle, and protective ("Don't look at them! They are mine!") she is.