My Brother Eric. 4/12/1970 to 8/3/2023

My big brother took his last breath last Thursday August 3.  He was surrounded by family and his best friends. It was an honor to be with him in his final week.  

He fought cancer admirably for 14 years.  He was determined to watch his kids grow up. Gosh, he loved Jill, Ryan, and Emma so much and it showed how much they were #1 in everything he did. Jill and Eric stayed aggressive with treatment and it worked for a long time, giving them the ability to raise their kids the way they hoped: living life fully, traveling a lot, finding success in Eric's career, and being there for their kids.  

He was incredibly funny and so ridiculously smart. His humor could be witty, silly, or completely inappropriate. I loved it. We would sing the Luv's jingle "A baby's comfort begins with Luvs, Luv" over and over as a game as to if we end on harmony or same.  Also, this darn Stetson's commercial jingle we would sing and over analyze.  My sister has many more of these types of silly memories with him because they were closer in age.  I'm going to miss our banter and his witty comebacks. His elephant memory means so many details of our family are gone with him.  It's incredible how much he could recall.

I used to sneak into his bedroom to check out my cool older brother's stuff.  His bedroom door was covered in newspaper clippings of UofM basketball Fab 5.  I got introduced to his love of Guns N Roses at a young age and boy did he love Sweet Child O Mine.  The back of his headboard was a rock climbing wall of old gum. Otherwise, his room was surprisingly kept quite tidy.  

I watched with teenage eyes as he began his adult life making so many great friends in college, starting his first job, falling in love, marrying Jill, and becoming such a proud Dad to Ryan and Emma.  I was so busy being self absorbed in my teenage and early college years but it was never lost on me how much I admired him as he helped shape who I am and who I gravitate towards.  I actually thought he was cool.

We have been sharing and trading music playlists regularly since the cassette era.  Then, it moved to the CD era where he had an impressive CD collection that he very much preferred in alphabetical order.  It all eventually evolved to sharing end of year playlists with each other in this last phase.  Music was easily one of his ways to connect.  At my wedding which he emceed,  we rocked out hard to the Killers "Soul but not a Soldier" - easily a top memory for me.  

I'm going to miss our big family trips together and making new memories as well as reminiscing about old memories.  So many old family stories that would probably make Nate and Jill think "not this again"  but sharing stories is what we did.  What a hard time we gave Eric for loving his shark tooth necklace from Mexico, his ability to only play one song on the piano - Drummer Boy, and how he would sing like Bob Dylan.  Eric loved fireworks so much that he started putting on an impressive show at the beach by his cottage at Thunder Road. 

I'm going to miss his big expressive eyes. Sure, his height stood out, but it's his eyes that I know will stick with me.  He knew how to be a lazy punk at times but no question, those who knew him saw his softer and more sensitive side; he could be quite sweet and playful.  It showed in his eyes.

I have this one very vivid memory when I was young, watching Family Ties with Eric and Sonya in my parent's bedroom on this little TV they had on their dresser.  There was this one scene where the Dad did something really silly with candlesticks while trying to spy on Mallory.  We all laughed so hard together.  It stuck with me.   I've started watching the series again with my family in part to find that episode.  

Eric suffered so much and really didn't complain.  For his last 15 months, Jill worked tirelessly to take care of him.  It was like whack-a-mole game while riding a rollercoaster with him constantly in and out of hospitals.  I'm glad Eric is no longer in that torture chamber of a body with everything it went through.  I really believed he'd be the poster child for acupuncture and oxygen treatments to bring him to a sustainable new quality of life.  Even though alternative treatments didn't help him long term, they did help him enjoy one final summer with his family.  

Rest in peace Eric.

Obituary

 

Bittersweet: Florida Family Time and Graduations

 About 2 months ago now, I got a call from my big brother, Eric, that he has started palliative care.  His will to fight continues but his treatment options have become more limited, off book at this point. (https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/ericbiegansky2023). Soon after that call, I got myself to Florida to live in a house with my sister and parents near my brother for 2 weeks.   We were all together again under such shitty circumstances.  We love him and we wanted to be there with him, Jill, Ryan, and Emma. In between the intense sadness, frustration, pain, and silence that fills much of Eric's days, there was much beauty to be found too. For me, it was listening to a lot of music on car rides to appointments with him and Sonya, giving each other a good amount of shit because it's what we do, and talking about whatever.   Just the fact that Sonya and I made him laugh as hard as one can over something so random is staying put in my memory bank as a go to smile.  The love is fierce and the love is strong within Eric for his family and from Jill with how she takes charge so admirably caring for Eric and her kids.

Mother's Day in Florida

Lily turned 14 in Florida.  Here she is realizing she got Beats headphones that'll come in handy for her flight to Florida

Lily wanted to try Chick Fil-A for the first time on her Birthday. She enjoys playing lots of volleyball again, chatting and spending time with friends, and being fashion/skin care/make up savvy.  She's also Lolo's height now.  

Shortly after returning to Portland, the school year was starting to wrap up.  This year's end of school marked a couple of significant milestones for our family.  Lily is now a high schooler, starting at Lincoln in the Fall.  Paul and Elise are now middle schoolers officially bringing our almost 10 years at Chapman Elementary to an end.  Our hearts are full and we are out of breath by how quickly it all goes.  No question we are excited for each of their next chapters.  I know I still need a little time to process and that's ok.  

Our summer is somewhat light but something special for each of them is scheduled.  Elise is about to do a week long camping trip with her girl scout troop.  Lily is flying to Chicago alone to be with Lolo, Oma, and Opa for a week, and Paul is going to Nebraska with his Dad and baseball team for a tournament and catch some of the College World Series.  

Pau and Elise's first day of Kindergarten at Chapman

Paul and Elise's last day of 5th grade at Chapman

Lily's first day of middle school

Lily's last day of middle school

Elise has never felt more in her element than when she was in her new suit

Elise having photo booth fun with friends at 5th grade party

First Day of Kindergarten

First day of 1st grade

Last day of 5th Grade

Last but not least, a Happy Father's Day to Nate and my Dad.  Thank you for all that you do and for putting family first always.

Happy Father's Day Dad!  The funny thing is that I had nothing to do with this filter - all him!

About to enjoy Shepherds Pie that all the kids helped make.  Happy Father's Day Nate.  

March 2023

It's the last day of Spring Break.  From years past, it sure seems like school moves into a higher gear for the final stretch.  Graduation, end of year parties, field trips, plays, spring sports, and figuring out what our summer camp and vacation plans are - there is plenty to keep us occupied.  We managed to get away for a long weekend up to Alderbrook at the start of Spring Break.  Paul was the only one not to try Oysters yet; he very much dislikes them while everyone else does.  The rest of the week was letting the kids be pretty lazy at home while we worked.  Small new wins were finding new shoes for Elise, Paul baking cookies on his own for the first time, trying out a new dinner recipe, putting up Easter decorations, and playing Password (like the game show).

Sad to say Uncle Bill passed away this past week, shortly after his 80th Birthday.  He had been dealing with ALS for ~2 years now.  The timing of his passing was very much a surprise. We thought we'd be able to see him this summer.  Uncle Bill was Nate's mom's brother.  He never forgot to send all of us handwritten birthday and anniversary cards every single year.  I picture him with a glass of red wine either in the Florida Keys, Paris, or Klinger Lake with his warm smile and kind eyes.  You are missed. 

Uncle Bill and Ray visited us in Portland before kids.  A great dinner out.  This was shortly before they went on an Alaskan cruise.

                                        

Here are some moments from the last several weeks:

                 Paul's baseball season has begun.  Finalists at Tournament #1.  They've already played 2 tournaments and have 3 tournaments in April.  All these 11 year olds still look so little to me.

Flew to Spokane with Lily for her volleyball tournament.  Enjoyed visiting downtown Spokane before heading back to the airport. She has 3 more tournaments in April and then the season starts to wind down in May. Lily is enjoying being a front row hitter.

Surprise Portland winter storm. 10 inches in one night.  This is a quick walk in the neighborhood near our house.  Rare to see this much snow downtown.

Paul finished up his rec basketball season.  Before every game, the players and people watching had to recite a pledge to essentially not be a-holes.  Paul had a great time with his crew doing basketball for the first time in any kind of organized way.

Elise got to go tubing at Mt. Hood with her Girl Scout Troop.  Fun day!

Gma and Gpa visited in March.  Good to have them back in Portland for a little bit and even got to see Paul play baseball.  Lily's tournament was just too far away being down in Eugene.  

 Hosted Oma and Opa for dinner before they left for Chicago and Florida to be with Eric and Lolo.  Also celebrated 60 years since Oma came to the US for the first time by boat at Ellis island.

Ages 13 and 11.

I just like this random photo of our kids hanging at a neighbor's house because there is nothing about this picture that tells me distinctly what decade it is.  

Swimming at Alderbrook

Family shot at the Hood Canal while making smores

Moxie being her parrot self

Yup, Moxie is odd.

Florida Visit - My Brother Eric

My brother, Eric, has been dealing with the most difficult health challenges of his life over the last year.  His wife Jill should get an honorary certified license as a medical practitioner.  They both have been thrown into the unknown and a torture chamber over and over again.  The details of his health are for them to share.  This blog post is meant to jot down some of my thoughts from my recent visit with them. 

My travel buddy, Elise, and I visited them in their new Jacksonville home this past week.  They have only just moved there in September to be closer to the Mayo clinic and be by a couple of their dearest friends. 

My personal goal was to simply sit with Eric while we watch TV.  If he was up for talking, regardless of the subject, I would be ready with my questions regardless of the topic and ready with witty comments to liven up the mood when I could.  Did I get it right? Probably not.  That’s ok though.  My goal was to simply be with Eric and see Elise and Eric interact even it’s in silence, figure out small ways to help if they didn’t directly ask for it, and have our presence be more of a comfort than a nuisance.  The added bonus to the visit was having my sister there so all the siblings were together .  It was not lost on me just how special it was to have all of us together.  It was a random lunch in Chicago years ago when it was just us. My sister is the heart and the glue of our family. I have witnessed the special connection Eric and Lolo have over all these years (they are only 2 years apart) from their shared stories and inside jokes. 

I love my brother and have looked up to him my entire life.  I always will.  He can be such a punk with how often he has said “Kein bock”(german for not in the mood) to me after teasing me with false hopes that he’ll go outside and play with me a lot in my childhood.  He is 8 years older than I am so you can understand the lack of interest to really play with me.  He is also the brother that would help me in a heartbeat if I was in trouble.  When we were facing down a Level 5 Hurricane, he was making calls trying to figure out how to somehow miraculously charter a private jet to get us out in time.  He flew to Boston after a work trip to surprise us during Elise’s 2nd surgery.  His signature quick wit and eloquent storytelling nature was on full display when he emceed our wedding or gave any speeches at family celebrations.

He and Jill are figuring out how to best navigate their new norm and taking it all a day at a time.  “It is what it is” was said quite a bit.  It’s almost comical just how much they have to monitor and be on top of around the clock.  It’s so much work that it’s only natural that it either elicits a response of tears or laughter at the sheer volume and complexity of it all.  Gotta choose laughter when you can.

Coincidentally, my best friend from elementary school, Manju, also happens to live in Florida, just a few hours away.  While Eric and Jill got ready for their next visitors, we enjoyed a couple nights with Manju and her family.  A fun quote from the movie Dumplin that rings true to our friendship is “great friends have nothin’ and everything in common all at once.”   Both Elise and I enjoyed being completely at ease with people we love and know we are loved back.  It’s a good feeling. 

Here are a few pics from the visit.

We had just arrived at the Orlando airport after the long flight and we loved the warm temps and lit up water features.

It was a nice surprise to see my niece, college freshman Emma, before she made the drive back to Auburn.

Cousins Emma and Elise

Sibling pic at Atlantic Beach

Fed some gators and played mini golf

Taking Louie and Rosie for a walk

Eric and Elise

Manju lives just a few hours away from Eric.  Got to see their beautiful home in Tampa Bay and catch up with the whole crew.

Maya and Elise making crepes for everyone.

Group pic right before saying goodbye.