Auf Wiedersehen Munich

Dear Munich,

It was love at first sight when we first crossed paths years ago.  You are still so beautiful to me even after all we've been through these last 3+ years.  Your beauty still takes my breath away and I don't see that ever changing.  We had quite the romantic start to our relationship traveling from place to place and checking literally everything off your to do list.  You spoiled my then 1.5 year old daughter Lily royally with your kid friendly tourist attractions, playgrounds, and so much yummy food for my meat loving, bakery yearning little girl.   When you surprised me by asking me to officially move in with you with no end date, things got serious fast.  And that's when the romance started to fade and the reality of day to day life began…. full of surprises, changes, and work.  

We sure had a rough start.  Felt rougher than it was because my expectations were so high.  I had dreams of living with you since before you even knew I really existed.  I had grand plans and lofty goals like tagging along on most of Nate's business trips with Lily around Europe and speaking such good German that people wouldn't be even able to guess I was American.  Sure was fun to think about.  Instead, exactly 8 weeks after we moved in, I found out I was pregnant with twins.  My life as I saw it changed in an instant.  You were horrible at helping me through my mostly miserable pregnancy.  I had never been so lonely and nervous and afraid and sad and lethargic in my life.  You were not very helpful in getting us settled in Munich and making friends.  Sure, I wasn't really pulling my weight that first year;  It sure was a lot harder to adjust and make friends than I can remember.  

Despite the rough start, things really did get so much better and that's what makes this goodbye so bittersweet.  We did take some memorable family trips together from Slovenia to France to Austria to Italy. You gave me a Munich home I will miss - perfect layout and size for us right by the Angel of Peace statue in the English Garden found through a random post on Facebook.   We worked so hard to get where we are now.  I am so proud of the groove we found this past year, the friends we made, the amazing help we found to help with our kids, the relationships we built, all the time I got to spend with my parents, and living our day to day life raising 3 kids in the middle of the city just fine.  It feels like we're leaving right when things got really good between us again, like I'm not getting a chance to savor it.  I love raising my kids in Munich - this amazingly safe, kid friendly, and clean city.  Having so many playgrounds nearby and a great Kindergarten for Lily to thrive at is something that I have appreciated so much here.  We didn't get back to the romantic rendezvous from our first stint together but we did build something wonderfully rich and deep with love.  You gave me Paul and Elise and my bilingual 4 year old Lily, and a much more humbled and grateful me.

I am careful about saying too much in this blog because I am fragile and emotional. I jump from resentment to sadness to excitement back to anger quite quickly.  Time will help me sort through my emotions and how I'll pass my Munich learnings to my kids.   I do want them to know that dreams do come true, just not the way you always envision it.  It always works out for the best and it may take sometime before you really understand why (I'm not there yet).  Chin up, be positive, be grateful, and keep on moving.

It seems fitting that my last week in Germany is at my parents' house.  Being near them was a big force behind moving here. I ended up having to ask for a lot more help than I thought I would being here but through all the help and time we spent getting through so many hard times, it really feels like Oma and Opa are getting some amazing payback this Christmas visit - already lots of loving moments with their grandkids.

Ok you good lookin', beer loving, walkable, bike loving, safe city Munchenshire - I'm going to miss you.  Pfirrti

love Nicole