Hoppipolla

Yesterday morning, we were at the kitchen table working on our computers. Nate was starting to put together the hospital music mix and I was signing up for an Infant CPR class when Nate started playing Hoppipolla from Sigur Ros (Hoppipolla means hopping in puddles in Icelandic)and I just started crying. I looked over at Nate and I could tell he was choked up too. I haven't cried as much as I thought I would throughout pregnancy but I have a hunch my body is saving up the tears for after Stetsi's arrival. Now that I'm in my 38th week, I've become more reflective given that symptoms I thought I would have probably won't make themselves known now.

• My mom told me how much she loved pregnancy because it made her skin the best it's ever been and her hair fuller. That has definitely not been the case with me. The pregnancy glow never made an appearance, only acne did, and the only fullness my hair saw was bedhead after way too many rough nights.


• My mom had varicose veins but I haven't gotten them. From what my mom has told me about her own, I haven't had similar type of pregnancy except we both have had VERY active babies.


• I haven't had any real cravings during pregnancy. I don't count my morning sickness time because it was more of what food repulsed me the least. Nate hasn't had to make a food run in the middle of the night.


• I kept hearing how constipation is very common especially when you're on iron supplements. I haven't had any issues in that department the whole time. I do eat a lot of nuts, maybe that had something to do with it.


• Morning sickness truly sucked and I haven't forgotten how much it sucked. I still remember throwing up in a restaurant sink right as a stranger walked in and just giving her this "I hate life" look.


• Given that I sprained my lower back a few years ago, I just assumed I'd have some serious back pain. Instead, it's been my butt the whole time. I gotta say thanks to Pilates for that one.


• I have always loved swimming but this pregnancy has made me fall in love with it more than ever. I really could care less that I only go back and forth like a fish in a tank because I love how my mind wanders, how my body feels, and even how I can cry and nobody sees my tears. I am probably setting myself up for depression when I won't be able to swim for quite a while after birth. That does scare me.


• I have had a hard time describing how my body feels when it comes to the varying discomfort and pains I've had. I know I'm not the greatest with words but the stuff my body has felt has made me tongue tied quite often. I didn't think I'd say popcorn popping in my vagina, heat flashes just in my nipples, bug crawling "tinglyness" up my leg, but it's true. The complexity and bizarreness of having a life grow inside me has only given me the biggest "what the F" ever. How crazy and amazing life is has been upped to a whole new level.


• Besides morning sickness hell, my appetite hasn't changed. The only reason I might have acted grumpier when hungry and no food in sight is because I felt like I was letting Stetsi down. This whole 300 extra calories a day is nice and I'll take it, but I really couldn't tell a difference with how I usually eat.


• No swelling of the feet, my wedding rings still fit, and no need to buy that much maternity wear. I thought I'd have to buy new bras, new underwear, lots of tops, and that hasn't been the case at all. Apparently, I buy too big to begin with.


• Mornings have been the best time of day the entire pregnancy with how I feel. Stetsi has officially made me into a morning person, sorry Nate.

Reading what I just wrote over, there are probably women that hate me because overall, I've been pretty damn lucky. I hate women who didn't have any morning sickness so I can understand.

I keep a side journal to jot down more raw notes and feelings. I have had a hard time getting my emotions down on paper which usually hasn't been the case for me. It's a mixture of being scared to admit the truth and it being really tough to explain. It's like I purposely don't let myself get to a certain emotional point because it scares me too much. If I get close, I stop, turn around, and look for my closest task list. I really don't want to live that way but I also want to be able to function.

I have one more week of work left if not sooner. My blood pressure was a little higher than normal last week so the doctor might want me to stop sooner. We'll see. Stetsi is still kicking a lot. I did wake up last night with really sharp side pains that quickly morphed into full stomach cramps/achiness for about 30 minutes. Stetsi jolted rhythmically for a few seconds once in a while but the pain didn't go in and out like I assume a contraction would. I don't know what that was all about but I assume it had something to do with prepping my body for what's about to come.

Here are a couple pictures from the weekend. I posted a few more to the cats picasa album too. For those of you that have met Gigi, you know it's really Queen Gigi. She's always been a great lap cat but hates being held. In the last few months, she has started letting us hold her like we would Stetsi; this is probably Gigi's first selfless act to let us practice on her. :)

Graduation Day

We are now proud graduates of childbirth class. The final class was pretty painless, except for the two-second shot of a cesarean during the video on breastfeeding. We also learned that if you get a c-section you automatically get anti-gas medicine. Fascinating. Our teacher also told the story of why she couldn't buy Mrs. Butterworth's syrup for years. Not quite as fascinating, but amusing. She was a good teacher and answered all the questions we had, but it was a strange class. There were probably 10 other couples, but over the four weeks there was zero socializing. Everyone just kept to themselves. Oh well.


It does feel like we're approaching the end. It seems that it could happen at any moment. Not that we're 100% ready, but I don't think we will be even if she arrives late. We haven't figured out a good child care option (yes, the waitlists are really that long), and the car seat is currently sitting sideways in the back seat of Nicole's car. But as far as stuff, we're just about set. I think a man-suitable diaper bag is about the only thing we're lacking right now. We finished off the registry at Target last weekend, including the hands-free breast pump. Here's the picture from the side of the box, definitely weird. They should have shown the lady with a cup of coffee in one hand and a cell phone in the other with a big smile. Nicole did NOT have a smile on her face when she saw this picture...




Speaking of breastfeeding, I finally got around to reading an interesting article from the Atlantic Monthly which examined research about breastfeeding versus today's common impression of it. Here's the link: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200904/case-against-breastfeeding. The title is a bit provocative, but I thought it was quite interesting especially if you can manage to put your beliefs or preconceptions aside while you read it. Just saying that makes it sound like a religious debate, but it does feel like it's approaching that level of emotion for a lot of people.

Another interesting angle mentioned in there is the fact that for at least the first month, Stetsi is really going to rely on her mama pretty much 24x7 and there's not a whole lot we can do to even the load between us. I think we realized that slowly over the course of the pregnancy, but it's definitely seeming more real as the time approaches. It will be interesting to see how we react, will Nicole have resentment that I'm relatively more free while she's having to spend so much time feeding, will I gradually expect that she'll gravitate towards doing more than she should around the house? Hopefully not on both counts, but I guess just being aware of these things is half the battle.

Light Switch, Hiccups, and Placenta

I've mentioned in an older post how much of a roller coaster ride being pregnant is, both physically and mentally. I can now say that the roller coaster I have been riding is one that I would choose to ride at an amusement park, smooth ride, light scares, arms in the air, smiling much of the way (except for weeks 9-12). I've now entered the section of roller coasters I would usually avoid riding because I just don't see the fun in it. I remember standing in line at Cedar Point back in middle school for the Magnum ride and seeing all these warning signs as we crept closer, "don't ride if you have back pain" for example. The sign I see now is "don't ride if you are a wuss...o wait, too late, can't turn back now, ha ha ha."

In the last week (week 36), pregnancy has turned from "this ain't so bad" to "this ain't so fun" almost like a light switch effect. Turning over in bed, sitting in my desk chair (aka back & butt torture device) actually feels like more strenuous activity than doing a lunge in my weight lifting class. Stomach cramps, side cramps, being short of breath, and tingly legs are much more common now. Stetsi is moving more now than she ever has which yes, I know is great, but playing the harp with my ribs can get old. I went from not thinking I've had a Braxton Hicks contraction to feeling them regularly this past week. They don't hurt but neither does going to get your teeth cleaned. I've also noticed Stetsi having more hiccups lately. It really does feel like my vagina has the hiccups which feels like my vagina is popping popcorn.

We had our 3rd Birthing Class this past week. We watched the vaginal and c-section delivery videos and the videos were far from graphic, fine by us. There was only a 2 second shot of "the nether region" and it was harmless. We learned about the active phase which is really the end of labor through delivery. I'm so used to having time goals in my life. It'll be tough for me to not know "ok, just 5 more hours and I'll meet her." I also have no idea how I'll treat Nate. I could see myself saying "get me a cold wash cloth" and then saying "what took you so long and it's not cold enough!" I hope he experiences short term memory loss which shouldn't be a problem with the short term hearing loss I've witnessed. He does do a great job making me giggle, especially during the birthing classes. The instructor asked the Dads in the room who would be interested in checking out the placenta after it's delivered to see and get a grasp of just how cool of an organ it is that raised your baby for 9 months. Nate just looked at me and said "what am I going to do? paint a picture of it? I've got a baby to hold."

T Minus Five

I'm sitting here staring at a mound of cardboard to go out in next week's recycling. Shower... the aftermath. Our BOB stroller arrived this week (thanks Biegansky ladies) and was a snap to put together, but between that and all the packaging the condo is feeling a little crowded at the moment. It's feeling like a busy weekend, a lot due to Stetsi preparations. I started to fill out the hospital preadmission form this morning, but we need to enter our Pediatrician's name, which is not yet decided. We're talking to one later this week, so hopefully she turns out to be the one so that we can preregister.

Birthing class #2 was this week, and focused mostly on pain relief options during delivery. So now we know the menu of narcotics and other drugs. Hopefully Nicole swearing at me will relieve her pain, because I foresee a lot of that happening. It's never happened before, but I've seen The Wrath of Nicole, and since I'll be her support during labor, I expect to take the full brunt of it. We did gain a better understanding of the different phases of labor, how long to expect to be in each, and what pain relief options are available in each. Another thing that came up was clarifying expectations of what role the labor support person would take; coach (give suggestions, be assertive), teammate (be the advocate and cheerleader), or witness (cower in the corner or pass out). I'm going for teammate. We also got the reminder to pack our hospital bags so we're ready to go when the time comes. Another thing on this weekend's list.

Today we crossed the five week threshold. We celebrated by keeping up the weekend ritual of playing tennis and swimming. I can't believe Nicole is still playing tennis, but I think by keeping very active throughout the pregnancy she's been able to maintain her balance and coordination. It does look pretty amusing to look over the net and to see the nice round belly though. And with five more weeks to go, Nicole has three more weeks of work before going on leave. So things are really feeling close now, close enough that we need to get the car seat installed pretty quickly. Especially since they won't let you leave the hospital without it.

Alotta Crepes Before Alotta Craps

Apparently, I believe the first thing I need to pack in my diaper bag before hitting the grocery store for a quick run is a breast pump and I'd rather pack a change of clothes for myself instead of for the baby. Hmmm. Yesterday was my baby shower (is it Stetsi's baby shower or my baby shower?) and instead of games, I was tested on how to pack a diaper bag in various scenarios in very little time, putting on a Bjorn without harming baby, and naming various baby items. One of the items I couldn't remember, embarrassingly enough, is the cloth diaper. I thought it was a burp cloth which it kinda is, just for a different end. I laughed at myself so wonderfully much yesterday and I just hope I do the same once Stetsi arrives; I just do not want to take myself too seriously, where's the fun in that?

My girlfriends spoiled me yesterday and I loved every minute of it. Special thanks to Abby for hosting such a fun party and thanks to Kim, Hannah, and Katie for helping be the masterminds and chefs behind the festivities. I have random reflections about yesterday so I'll just list some of them:

• Wearing a "mother to be" tiara outside in the sun is the first time in my entire pregnancy where I felt like I might have a hint of "the glow" (so what if it's the sun reflecting off the tiara).


• Seeing all my Portland girls together enjoying the sunny afternoon and making me feel so damn loved


• Enjoying some tasty crepes before I see a lot of Stetsi's craps


• Learning that the best time to drink alcohol after the baby is born is actually while breastfeeding.


• There actually exists this liquid to feed babies to help them fart to hopefully stop crying. This is something I definitely do not need to drink right now, who am I kidding, ever.


• Witnessing the girl's creativity and thoughtfulness with the onesies they made and the gifts they spoiled Stetsi with.


• Getting to wear a "boob" dress, being able to fill it out for a change and proud to say, no leakage.
  
• Simply hanging out with the girls.

Not having family nearby is tough to take at times and know it'll test us even more once Stetsi arrives. Yesterday reminded me in such a big way what a great Portland family of girlfriends I have for support. I trust them; they push me to examine and encourage me to grow.

When those dark moments hit me where I can't find the strength to believe in myself, I know I have friends nearby that'll believe in me and help me find myself again.

I posted a baby shower photo album on picasa.

Back to School

We had our first birthing class yesterday. Overall I'd say it was what I expected. Although they didn't show the freak-you-out real-life delivery video. Not a problem, I will be just fine not seeing that one. It did get off to a little bit of an unsettling start when everyone introduced themselves to the class and we were asked to share what theme we chose for the baby's room. Well, we were the only one without a dedicated baby room, much less a theme. I guess if treadmill + desk + loveseat is a theme then we're covered. Compared to "monkeys", "polka dots", "fall colors", and "animals", we're completely slacking. Are we in denial that this is happening or something? After the summer spate of visitors Stetsi will probably get the second bedroom to herself, assuming we haven't moved. But I don't envision a vast redecoration in there. I guess we'll take that like everything else, figure it out as we go.

We did get a good description of the different things to watch for that we should go to the hospital for. And some acronyms for things that I don't remember. Got to practice how to breathe too, even the huff & puff method. "Hee hee hoooooo". Probably the most useful thing for me was a walk through what would happen when we go to the hospital... check in, go to this room for observation, go to this room for labor and delivery, go to this room for recovery. They even had a nice checklist about what we should pack for the hospital, including a packing list for me which included drinks and snacks. Does scotch count as a drink?

My favorite part was when they were saying it's good to bring "focal points" and mentioned pets. Of course Nicole thought that meant we could bring Gigi and Pepe to the delivery room. Sorry, pictures only... Though imagining the cats in the delivery room is pretty hilarious, Gigi sitting up on one of the counters pretending nothing is happening yet wondering why no one is giving her attention and Pepe hiding under a chair praying no on notices him.

Three more classes to go, we'll see if the delivery video makes an appearance.