Proud, Firsts, and Daddy's Little Girl

I am proud of myself. It took me a few tries to type it and not immediately delete it. Darn it, I AM PROUD OF MYSELF. Those first few weeks with Lily were the hardest days of my life, no question. I couldn't adjust to the pain, pain I did not expect to have starting with labor and it resulted in a dark time (Keep in mind, strep throat was probably the pain level peak I had experienced up to that point). I'll probably have more funks down the road related to more emotional reasons versus physical pain but I'll cross that bridge when I get there. For now, I will be proud of myself for making it past the first month and that I'm enjoying Lily so much more now.

There have been quite a few firsts recently for both me and Lily:

- I have breastfed in public now a few times. (I said I was done talking about boobs but seriously, everyone needs to respect a new mom's boob. They have a life of their own and it's easily the 2nd most thought about topic on my mind - after Nate of course -just kidding, it even beats out Nate. Pain, leaking, engorgement, cramps causing, what to wear because of them, nipple weirdness, hose effect, can you tell I'm wearing a breast pad? Shoot, where's the lanolin? Will this shirt color hide milk leakage better? Will this shirt work for nursing? Does she really want boob or just to suck on something?). I still keep a log of when and how long the last breastfeeding session was. I think I do it more now because I think it's quite the accomplishment and it's my little way to recognize myself for still doing it.

- I went to the movies and saw Away We Go - cute movie. There was one memorable line that hit me hard because of my tendency to worry too much. "The only thing we have control over is to be good to our kid, that's it."

- I baked! I promised the boob whisperer a home baked treat if I didn't have any setbacks.

- I had my first full beer with the girls and it was soooooo good. I think a margarita is calling my name next.

- I went for my first swim over the weekend and I seriously was smiling a big toothy smile when I pushed off the wall.

- I'm not as scared to have her be awake when I'm away from the house. So what if she cries (wow, I definitely could not say that at first).

- Lily has been introduced to the swing and it really does keep her asleep a little while longer during the day.

- Lily loves looking out at her surroundings more and more now, especially at the mirror. That's my vain baby.

With Lily, I have never stared at someone so intently and with so much curiosity. If Brad Pitt was standing right next to her, Lily would still win and that is saying A LOT! If his shirt was off, it might be a different story. :) She already makes me laugh hard out loud, like when she goes from an all out cry to a huge smile in a blink of an eye or the "Tim the Tool Man Taylor" grunting with the "Jabba the Hut" look she does when she stretches.

The last thing I'll mention that I've recently noticed is how hard I try to maximize the free time I do get in bursts throughout the day. I want to do something I really love to do and I spend too much time thinking about what I want to do and being too picky that I end up wasting time and losing the window. I did manage to enjoy an online episode of the Colbert Report the other day. I watched those religiously while I was pregnant.

Nate had a great first Father's Day. He enjoyed a nice long bike ride and quite a few smiles and coo's from Lily. Here's a picture of the two of them - like Father like Daughter.

We leave for Maui on Wednesday. Even though she'll probably hate it, we're excited to dip her foot in the ocean as her introduction to what we hope she falls in love with - playing in the water.

PS I put hand soap on my toothbrush the other night, yummy. Yup, still exhausted.