Meanwhile, Behind the Scenes

In the theme of the previous post, I was able to check another lingering thing off the list this week.  I finally got my German driver's license.  We don't usually blog about stuff like this, but this process was so... well, foreign, that I thought some of you would at least get a laugh out of it. 

We'll start with the fact that for some Americans moving to Germany, getting a German license is very easy.  Like walk in to the equivalent of the DMV, hand them your American license and get a shiny new German one.  But like many other things in this move, it wasn't quite that easy for us.  Oregon, like a few other US states, has only a partially reciprocal agreement with Germany.  So if you have an Oregon driver's license, you have to take a theory (written) test before getting your German license.  A few states have no agreement, so you have to take a theory test and a practical (driving) test, so at least we got some kind of break. 

So that's it, I had to take a theory test of thirty questions.  But the process of getting to take the test is where the fun lies.  It could be so easy, right?  Like walk in to the DMV equivalent, let's call it the KVR since that's what it is in Munich, and say "I'd like to take the theory test to get my German license", take the test, get the license and be on your merry way.  Even if someone could have just told me what the process was with reasonable certainty then I'd have been happy.  Instead I was left to browse message boards and web sites and get about fifty different interpretations of what I needed to do.  Anyway, here's what I actually did:

1.  Got my Oregon license translated into German at ADAC, the German equivalent of AAA, cost ~40 euro, time spent ~1 hour.
2.  Went to KVR to try to register to take the theory test.  They said I needed to register with a driving school.  I had read conflicting info about whether I needed to do this, so I took a shot.  cost free, time ~2.5 hours, mostly waiting.
3.  Registered at a driving school.  This is the part that is completely ridiculous.  All I needed to do was take the test.  All the driving school did was give me a slip of paper to take to the KVR, call me when I was "approved" to take the test, and schedule the test time with TUV (the testing place).  If there is a worse example of pointless bureaucracy, I'd like to see it.  This might be ok if it weren't so expensive.  Cost 240 euro, time ~2 hours.  Ok, 40 euros were for an online practice test app, but I figured if I'm spending this much money and time I might as well pass it on the first shot.
4.  Went back to KVR.  They took my piece of paper from the driving school and my money and sent my file to Berlin.  Cost ~40 euro, time ~2 hours. 
5.  Waited.  They said it would take two to four weeks for the application to be processed.  It took just over five.  Meanwhile I studied a lot and learned things like how "hashish" consumption can make one unfit to drive,  "pavement" means sidewalk in German English, and if you have something on your roof it can only project 50cm in front of your car, and only if it's above 2.5m.  Cost free, time many hours studying.
6.  Scheduled the test.  After five weeks in purgatory, the driving school called and we scheduled a time to take the test at TUV about two weeks out.  Apparently lots of people want to take the test so you need to book it a couple of weeks in advance.  Lovely, more waiting.  Cost free, time 5 minutes.
7.  Took the test.  Of course the test isn't given at the same office as licenses are given.  Of course.  Germans may be known for their efficiency, but this is apparently lacking in government offices.  America is no model of government efficiency, but they shine in comparison.  As for the test itself, it is thirty questions, multiple choice.  But multiple answers can be correct, and you must select all correct answers.  Yes, an added evil twist.  Each question has a point value from two to five, and you can miss a total of ten points and still pass.  But you can only miss one five-pointer.  You can essentially miss one or two questions out of thirty and know you'll pass.  So the pressure is on.  The one HUGE positive in this whole process was that I could take the test in English.  If that wasn't an option, I would have been in German classes for the past three months.  Maybe that would have been more productive, but that's another story.  Anyway, cost free (pre-paid in the driving school fees), time 2 hours.
8.  Yes, there's more.  Got the license.  I had a glimmer of hope that after passing the test they'd just give me my license, but hey, why not -- in the words of Cake -- prolong the magic?  I finished (and passed) the test last Friday at about 2:30.  Of course the KVR closed at noon.  Sigh.  So I went back to the KVR Monday morning fully expecting another hour-plus wait and some snag that would take another month to resolve.  I guess they weren't in a sadistic mood that day and I only had to wait five minutes (total time ~1 hour including biking there and back) before getting my shiny new German license and even got my Oregon license back as well.  They didn't even charge me, I guess they just plain gave up.

If you were keeping track at home, that was 280 euros and about ten hours plus studying time.  At least I didn't have to do the practical test, since that costs well over a thousand euros and hours of required instruction at the driving school. 

Anyway, here's the finished product.  After that process, is it any surprise that I look like a depressed zombie?