Summer fun in the midst of summer anxiety

I have been teetering back and forth between two worlds these days: World #1- Focusing on and relishing in the innocence my kids possess on a wide open summer schedule in the era of COVID.  World #2 - Studying hard on information I wish I already had multiple PhDs in so not to be a dumb ass waste of space and actually apply my knowledge and skills to maybe even be of help to my larger community. 

World #1 is full of silly inside jokes and fun family summer memories like after dinner Zoobombs, Rose Garden tennis, George Washington hair, mountain biking, catching air, Paulina watering hole, rope swing, Harry Potter, hair braiding, kayaking, fort building, and fart fork.  

World #2 is full of study topics such as BLM, systemic racism, history, government, COVID side effects both on health and on society, how to build a better school system, police brutality, academic pods, equity, and the blind spots in my white privilege. 

I appreciate the rare moments when the teetering stops thanks to perspective reminders.  It's the moments when life makes complete sense and no sense at the same time and it's somehow calming nonetheless.  Looking up at the night sky can often do that. So can the power of written word. The teetering stopped after recently reading the short story "The Great Silence" in the book "Exhalation." It's one of those stories that invokes feelings at a scale of depth you wish upon all to experience.  It's thought provoking and, like looking up at the sky, reminded me of the miracle and fragility of humanity's and really all species' existence.  It's a true story besides the fact that it's narrated by an animal. I cannot recommend the short story enough.  

Hood River

Surveyors Ridge Mountain Biking Trail

Post Canyon, Hood River

Banks to Vernonia trail

Our one swimming pool session of the summer.  Taught Elise the George Washington hair.

Watering hole by Paulina Falls, central Oregon

Family tennis in Sunriver

Zoo climb.  All worth it for the fun ride down.

Toilet Bowl Trail, Hood River

Timberline Bike Park

Phil's Trail Head, Bend

Annual trip to the golf range

Elise overcame her fear of kayaks and paddleboards thanks to Hagg Lake

Plenty of lounging and cuddling at home this summer

June - Graduation and Getaways

Lily walked up the sidewalk covered in the first names of the 5th grade graduates, stood in front of a post it easel pad, received a graduation certificate from her teacher, and picked up a T-shirt.  She walked over to a side entrance of the school to pick up a garbage bag full of her locker belongings. We stopped for a picture.  We walked home.  Goodbye Chapman. When it comes to processing all the emotions of how Lily had to finish Chapman, I'm over it.  I'm moving on.   Lily did just fine with distance learning and she will be fine with whatever form she'll need to keep going next year.  Paul and Elise's experience was disappointing and I simply had to step up and teach them; the emotional outbursts they'd never had at school but definitely came out for mom became just another part of the routine.  We persevered.  Last day of school pictures typically taken with their teacher were taken with me this year; it felt right.

A change of scenery helps everything.  Play in the ocean, explore a new house, fly a kite, dig a hole, repeat.  We had the beach to ourselves.

 The only camp not to be canceled was Paul's mountain biking camp out in Hood River.   I found a last minute horseback riding camp open for the girls and they loved it more than I expected.  Score!  We stayed on a friend's property that has two residences which made it ideal to be comfortably social with friends during these COVID times.  Besides my solo hike to Mitchell Point, watching the kids play together outside was my favorite view. 

No question this utopia we experienced to kick off summer is bizarre compared to the state of our country.  The higher-than-ever spike in COVID cases is scary and reminds us that letting our guard down has its consequences.

 I have learned more about American Black history and systemic racism in the last month than I ever did in school.  I was never a history buff so that plays a role too. There are so many stories about the heated debates around defunding police, taking down confederate statues, and reopening cases like the death of Elijah Mcclain (reading the transcript of his last words angers me with tears).  I'm curious what else will come of the BLM protests.  I'd like more momentum around making sure every state is ready to vote by mail come November.  Living in a state where it works makes it hard to grasp why it's so hard to implement across the country.  Still learning.  

Black Lives Matter

Black Lives Matter

My kids see the boarded up businesses near our home.  They hear the helicopter hovering over us every evening well into the night for the last week.  They are curious, scared, and confused.

We tell them what the protests are for. We teach them the difference between protests and riots.  We tell them the stories of how George Floyd, Ahmed Aubrey, and Breonna Taylor died and how Amy Cooper's actions are racist.  We introduce systemic racism to them and hope more questions come at future dinner conversations.  We connect the dots for them on the history we do know.  We tell them that racism and COVID-19 are two deadly pandemics at this moment.  We validate their fear that seeing so many people together protesting could make more people sick with COVID. We tell them to look at the beauty of seeing so many people around the world protesting for change and how important it truly is. 

Being kind and treating others like you want to be treated isn't enough, even for our elementary school aged kids.  Speaking up against acts of racism and unjustness is necessary at their age too.  It's up to Nate and me to maybe not shelter them anymore from the happenings of the world so we can be even more clear with our values and set the example. 

Black Lives Matter

Week 11 - A news shift in the wrong direction

For the first time since this global pandemic began, COVID-19 has taken a back seat to being the main news headline in America.  Racism in the USA has taken a resounding front seat this past week as the headline news story and it's understandable given what has recently occurred.  Whether it was a jogger, a bird watcher, or an arrest that turned to murder - it has instantly angered enough Americans to make A LOT of noise.  Noise in the form of peaceful protests, articulate speeches, well written articles, and moving posts,  advice on what to do, and also in violent protests across the country.  Against the COVID backdrop, it adds an intense extra element of emotion and unknown to what will result.  Then, on top of all this, what felt like a surprise appearance from a giant Eagle wearing a shirt that says "BAD ASS GOOD NEWS," we witnessed two Americans be launched into space towards the International Space Station with one of the goals being one flight closer to making space a destination for more people.

In our own little world,  the interest in doing distance learning is starting to noticeably wane.  Bike rides, outdoor tennis, backyard shenanigans, and just general screen time to zone out increased.  Starting to shift our focus to thinking about summer a bit more.  Teacher Mom is shifting towards Camp Director Mom.  Nate works long and full days.  If he gets a break, he'll spend it taking a walk.  He may work from home but we rarely see him. His willingness to handle dinner since this all started 11 weeks ago continues to be one of the greatest actionable gifts he's given me.

Week 11 Video Recap

Week 10 - Openish

There was live sports on TV again.  Paul watched some Bundesliga with no spectators and he said "looks like they're just playing for fun."  I watched some live women's tennis with no spectators.  Each player had to shag their own balls and could only touch the other player's balls (he he he) with their racket when hitting them back to their side between points.  There was only an umpire on the court wearing a mask.  No handshake at the end of the match either.    It was all played on a private tennis court on somebody's lavish Florida compound.  I commend the effort to get competitive world class tennis back on TV.

We have 2.5 weeks left of school.  I'm starting to look at vacation homes to enjoy in short stints over the summer.  In the past I'd usually look for homes in close walking distance to a downtown area of a cute small town.  Not this year.  Key words like private, remote, big yard, and secluded is what I look for now.  We will either do no camps this summer or very few based on what is even available and our own personal comfort.  Quite a few of our camps have already been canceled.

It was a more quiet week.  Nate continued his war with the bamboo roots when time allowed.   I took my first walk with a friend and felt fine about it.  It had only been porch chats up to this point or quick chats if we ran into friends in the neighborhood.  Our biggest highlight of the week was the reopening of outdoor public tennis courts in an area about 20 minutes from us.  We did it.  After 10 weeks of no real tennis, we finally got to hit the ball again.  It felt great.  Ready to do it again.

In COVID news, the world is slowly starting to reopen right at the same time as the # of COVID deaths in the US alone approaches 100,000.  I don't get a sense that America is grieving together over this Memorial weekend.  We should be.  I want to hear more stories; they aren't even getting funerals. I want more unifying words from a leader somewhere to help us grieve.  I felt it after 9-11. I felt it after Newtown. I don't this time.

Week 9 - celebrations

Lily is now 11.  Our self motivated Lil' made her birthday requests known well in advance (we're talking pre COVID-19 times) and even though she had to pivot hard to adjust to the current social distancing rules, she had a fantastic day.  We all did.  She revels in her birthday. She came up with the creative idea to decorate her bike and do a family bike-by ride past her friends' houses.  She also planned a birthday Kahoot on Zoom with friends, requested a scavenger hunt, cardboard sword duels, and family movie.  Food requests were detailed for every meal whether it was mango juice with french toast casserole for breakfast or Little Big Burger, Dr. Pepper, and Oma's German Potato salad for dinner. She knows what she wants and voices it clearly....respect. Her giddy excitement turning 11 makes me so happy with bittersweet tears in my eye, even as I type this.  These 9 weeks of isolation have shown me even more just how quick her brain is, how thoughtful and mannered she is (except with her siblings), and how quickly my already independent Lily is growing up.

Nate and I also celebrated 14 years of marriage.  We got take out from the restaurant that Nate and I went to the night of our proposal.  14 years ago, I was standing at the cake display and he just looked over at me in silence and handed me a note that would start an incredibly romantic proposal.  Literally everything changed for us after that single moment.

In COVID-19 news this past week, Phase 1 reopening began in almost all Oregon counties except  ours and 2 neighboring counties. A last minute rule, though, allowed retail to open in our county as long as the store isn't in a mall.  Yet, our county is still supposed to stay home unless it's for essential needs....a touch confusing on the messaging.  Sounds like our county will reopen in June.  Overnight camps for the summer are not allowed in Oregon and day camps are ok as long as all the rules are adhered to.  Some camps have already canceled regardless so we don't know if our kids will be part of any camps this year at this point.  Nationwide, news was all about reopening the economy and the debate on whether it's too soon or not.  Time will tell.  Oregon continues to flatten the curve.

Week 10 recap video

Week 8 - My girls

Mochi and Moxie are playmates.  I caught Elise and Lily hanging out a couple times happily this past week.  I was hoping for it but definitely not expecting it.  Maybe it's a shift or maybe it's an outlier but either way, I'll take it.  Wait, literally as I type this, Elise is screaming like a mad woman at Lily "GO DOWNSTAIRS. I WANT ALONE TIME"  in the huge playroom instead of either asking her nicely, going to her room and closing her door, or coming down to ask us for help.  Nope, she just yells at the top of her lungs to the point that her voice remains hoarse for days.  Well, at least my other girls, Mochi and Moxie, are still cuddling.

We have five more weeks of online "school."  The school district has now issued no school on Fridays to save money for next school year which all in all is not a big deal but just feels like a little more work for Teacher Me to keep them engaged academically on Fridays. It is what it is.  Lily is in her element working independently and being self motivated.  Paul and Elise will be quick to say "I don't know what to do" before even reading the directions - infuriating. 

Portland now has PDX Greenways which are roads in our neighborhood closed to cars to help with bikers and walkers keep social distance while outside.  I read that if we stay the course, we are about a month out from entering Phase 1 of reopening Multnomah County.  The tone overall feels a bit less "we're in this together to save lives" this past week to a bit more about each person or family following their own rules based on what they deem to be appropriate calculated risks versus what has been mandated by our Governor.  Whether it's traveling away from home, letting kids hang out with their friends in close proximity, or not wearing a mask in stores, it doesn't feel like there is as much solidarity anymore.  Everyone is dealing with so many different types of challenges and I choose to believe that everyone is doing the best they can which helps me react with more empathy and kindness than fear and anger. 

Week 8 Recap Video