First Few Videos of Lily

Just wanted to share a few moments we've enjoyed with Lily that we were able to capture on video. You might need to turn up the volume pretty high to hear Oma and Opa singing to Lily.

Here, Lily is stretching after being unswaddled.



Opa singing the song "Hi Lili Hi Lo"



Oma singing a German lullaby to Lily (notice Lily has the hiccups)

Week Two

The past week has definitely flown by, at least for me. It's crazy that Lily is already two weeks old. She is definitely more alert, has more awake time, and is starting to figure out how her arms work. She's also been more fussy than the previous week, but still not much overall. It may just be wishful thinking, but it also seems like she's starting to figure out the difference between night and day, settling down more easily at night and not as interested in being awake and looking around.

Oma Biegansky continued to take great care of us this week, and boy did we need it. Not thinking about food or keeping the house together really let us rest a bit more and focus on Lily when we wanted to. We ate very healthy food and our patio garden and front planter have never looked better. Opa also arrived to check out his new granddaughter and they got in plenty of bonding time. At this moment they're flying back to Midway and we're facing the weekend alone. And Nicole is facing the next work week with only Lily for company. And Lily isn't the best companion when you want to do something like take a shower.

Breastfeeding continues to be frustrating. Lily's getting plenty to drink - more on that later - but it is foot-stompingly painful for Nicole. She has follow-up appointment with a different lactation consultant on Monday and hopefully it will be useful. There is some hope, the appointment is with Doris, who is known as "the boob whisperer". She handles only problem cases, so we'll see where it takes us. If there's not good pain improvement soon I see a switch to pumping in Nicole's future.

I went back to work this week, and it was definitely weird. I worked from home a couple of times when I had stretches of time with no meetings, but my mind was definitely drifting back to Nicole and Lily while I was in my cube. I am pretty much caught back up after taking about a week off, but I can definitely say it feels different now that my paycheck is going to something other than retirement savings, bills, or fun stuff.

The mental highlight of the week, at least as far as being a weight off of our shoulders, was Lily's two-week doctor visit. It was earlier this afternoon and it went really well. Our usual doctor was off, but we saw another great doctor and came away feeling reassured and hopeful. She even helped out with breastfeeding and we have a couple of new things to try to help improve the pain. Lily has not only gained back the weight she lost the first few days, she also added on a few ounces and now tips the scales at 9 lb, 6 oz. And apparently she grew half an inch to 22", but their height measurement doesn't seem to be so precise. So for all the worrying about whether she was getting enough to eat or whether she was really swallowing as opposed to just suckling, we now know for sure that she's eating very well and there's nothing to worry about other than getting her mama pain-free. And to add to the good news, the doctor said that at this point, we do not need to worry about waking her up to eat, we can let her sleep as much as she wants to sleep. So we'll see whether that has an effect on our nights.


So looking towards week three I think our main feelings are relief, exhaustion, and a bit of apprehension about being without a caretaker as of Monday. I'm sure Nicole will have more to share once we're in the thick of things next week, if not before. We'll also post some week 2 pics in the next day or two.

Week One

Oma is here! My mom has been a godsend taking such good care of us. She has made it possible for us to purely focus on Lily which truly takes up almost all of our time. She's even spruced up our garden and flower box out front just because it's what my mom likes to do for us. Too bad she can't help by being my wet nurse right now.
Looking back over the last week, I'll provide my perspective and then Nate will provide his.
Nicole's : It's been all about my boobs. It's toe-curling pain right now to feed Lily so 8x a day, it feels like Lily is trying to rip my nipple off. I had no idea my boobs would leak so much (note to self - get more nursing tops). Too bad I can't just drip drop milk into Lily's mouth. It was comical when I was trying to release some of the engorgement by taking a long shower. I had no idea the milk would just squirt out of there like a strong hose, quite the distance. I hope future generations of mom's get blessed with some kind of boob epidural they can use to make the initial weeks of breastfeeding pain-free. We're getting better at the swaddle but we still need practice. I have this irrational fear of dropping Lily or her breathing stops. As an example, last night, I woke up facing Nate and noticed his head was down in the sheets. I immediately moved his head to the side thinking it was Lily. My naps are filled with crazy dreams, didn't expect that either.
Nate's: For me it's been about doing everything I can do to make things easier on Nicole. The week has been a complete blur, and it feels at the same time like it's been a lot longer than a week and also like it's been an instant. I guess everything did change in that instant I looked over at the doctor holding this squirming bloody black-haired baby after she made her way into the world. While there's no way I can shoulder the same burden as Nicole, hopefully I can just help by burping, changing diapers, keeping Lily's hands under control during nursing, and running little errands. The lack of sleep has been difficult but not unbearable, we'll see if that answer changes over the next few weeks as it compounds. I've missed the sunrise only one day since Lily was born, hopefully tomorrow it'll be 2 days. I think Lily has taken it easy on us so far as far as fussiness, she really doesn't cry for mysterious reasons, it's either a dirty diaper, gas, being uncomfortable (changing, etc.), or hungry. It seems like we're taking baby steps in figuring everything out, and I have a hard time thinking about heading back to work Tuesday. My mind is just not in that space whatsoever right now. But there are another three days before then, so who knows what will happen in the meantime.

We've also added a bunch of new photos from the past week, to be found as usual at the link in the upper right of the page.

The First 24 Hours at Home

We just got back from an appointment with a lactation consultant and I wasn't happy with how it went. Lily is barely losing weight and she's latching on great. The consultant was talking a lot and trying for me to change things around quite a bit. I need things simple. I left with really sore boobs. Lily must not have liked the advice either because in the 1 hr we were there, she managed to poo/pee twice. The 2nd time was while we were changing her. It was hilarious! She made a royal mess of the whole area and we had to ask for a spare shirt. We didn't do a good job packing our first diaper bag.

Anyway, I've been making mental notes of what's been taking up our time during these first 24 hours. It's random but it's really what's been going on in the Mather house

• Besides crying right when she was born, I got choked up the first time she looked at me while breast feeding for the first time. I cried hard for the 2nd time during the drive home from the hospital. Time suddenly felt too fast and I wanted it all to slow down.
• Going to the bathroom is literally a 6 step process. Good Times.
• I always said the purring of cats is my favorite sound. Lily breathing has easily trumped it.
• At this moment, I can't fathom taking care of Lily by myself. I NEED Nate.
• Breastfeeding had been going well, might change after this darn appt I just had, but I prefer the football hold. I look forward to being able to start breastfeeding in bed when she gets a little older
• Nate and I truly suck at swaddling.
• Lily can kind of roll over onto her side on her own, wtf? That scares me.
• We did not let the cats in the room at night and won't for a while. Girls, you were right and it was an easy decision once Lily actually arrived.
• Reading friend's and family's messages after a sleepless night felt really REALLY good.
• Besides checking diaper and feeding, we have no clue what to do if she fusses.
• It's nice to lay on my back again.
• I suck at keeping time and tracking which boob I used last. I have to write everything down. What pills can I take when, how long was the last feed, when was it, when did she last pee, poo, and what did the poo look like. SO MUCH TO KEEP TRACK OF!
• We wish we got more shirts with the cuffs that covers her hands. Good thing, we got a few extras from the hospital
• Lily sneezes a lot which is normal
• I can't figure out how to make myself comfortable while feeding but Lily is fine. I look like a hunchback.
• The belly wrap rocks! I can already tell a difference.

We posted Lily's first baby album. Check out the pics at the link at the upper right of this page.

Lily Marie Mather has Arrived

Nate and I are now parents to a big baby girl, Lily Marie Mather. We are so proud. She was born Friday at 1:46pm and the fact that she weighed 9 lbs 1 oz and has a full head of black curly hair still amazes me. I also had black hair when I was born but Lily has so much; she looks like she's wearing a toupee and has sideburns. We will be in the hospital till tomorrow afternoon and we don't mind being here one bit. It does feel very much like a hotel except that we have a whole team of concierges helping and spoiling us. I hope they don't mind that we plan to kidnap our nurses and take them home with us.

I have made sure to remember every detail of the labor and birthing process because OMG! I'll spare the blog all its details but for any of you that are interested, I'd be happy to share my birthing story. Nothing goes as planned or expected is definitely the theme.

Just a few hours after coming home from a Dr's appointment Thursday afternoon where no new progress was noted and our Doctor predicted Monday or Tuesday delivery, I started having my first painful contractions. I could attribute it to the hormonal funk I was in, the long walk I talk around town, or the big piece of St. Moritz German Chocolate Cake we ate about an hour before contractions started. Right when "The Office" finished, I started looking at the clock and taking note of my contractions. After a sleepless night of contractions and Nate timing them, it was time to go to the hospital. I was in labor at the hospital from 6am till 1:46pm. Our doctor actually had the day off but decided to come in and still deliver Lily. I helped make it a quick trip for him. I only pushed for 15 minutes which I'm grateful for because unbeknownst to me, epidurals don't promise to work. The one thing I didn't want to do was have a natural birth (sounds so weird typing that) and that's exactly what happened.

I just finished breastfeeding and she's a great eater so far, hopefully not beginner's luck. The moment she was placed on my chest after she was born and when she looks at me while she's eating, indescribable how much my heart just sings.

I also love watching Nate with Lily. He's such a proud Dad and already so great with her. Here's a picture of Nate giving Lily her first birth shortly after she arrived.

Ups and Downs

Had a Dr's appointment this afternoon to check dilation for the 2nd time. There is no new progress, same status as last week. He's happy with where I'm at and that's it. He went so far to make a prediction without any prompting and I wish he hadn't because it's still just a guess, even if it does come from my Doctor. He thinks Stetsi will be born either Monday or Tuesday.

Yesterday was our 3 year wedding anniversary. We celebrated by eating at Lovely Hula Hands. For you Portlanders that haven't been there yet, we highly recommend it. This time last year, we were packing for our 2 month travel adventure. This year, we have our overnight bags packed to start our upcoming lifetime adventure. I got Nate a French Press, grinder, and coffee beans; this marks the first time a coffee maker is in the house. Nate would have enjoyed how clueless I was trying to pull this gift together; it's comical how little I know about coffee. What's even funnier is what Nate got me. He got me liquor, a nice big bottle of Tequila; Yup, he got his 40 weeks pregnant wife liquor. He got all the margarita fixings plus 2 sizable margarita glasses for me. Its great he got 2 glasses so I can hold one in each hand. He probably thinks it's so we can enjoy a margarita together.

Today has not been a good day. I'm just in a funk and haven't been able to shake it all day. I just walked around the city aimlessly today for hours. The sun was shining and I do usually enjoy urban hikes but it didn't shake the pity party and whine fest I was letting my mind dwell in today. I miss my pre-pregnancy body. I really do. I miss both the way I used to look and how fit I felt. I'll probably suck at being patient and accepting of what my body is about to become. I won't consider the changes "battle wounds" and be proud of what I look like. I just want my old body back. I'm very curious to meet Stetsi but I'm not excited about the newborn phase. I have a big fear of flying and I just don't let myself get excited about the trip, no matter how great it sounds, until I land at the destination. I think I'm doing the same thing with Stetsi. Instead of all the great stuff people tell me will happen once she arrives, I think about the pain, lack of sleep, and accepting the fact that the life I once had really liked is gone. I heard a good quote during a movie preview by 2 parents expecting their first child, the wife said "the only thing we have control over is to be good to this baby." I do really want to be good to Stetsi no matter how much it'll suck at times.

Hopefully a good nights sleep (defined by getting up less than 3x and grunting quietly as I roll over in bed) will help make tomorrow a better day.

Neighborhood Highlights

No news on the Stetsi front. She seems just as at home as ever in the belly, doesn't want to be a Mother's Day baby.

Since I have nothing else important to say, I thought I would give a shout out to some of our "neighbors". As we walked downtown this afternoon, a random semi-normal guy waved to us from across the street and said "lookin' good!". Never seen the guy. Then there was the guy on the walk home who was wearing a nun's outfit. Maybe he was more of a visual learner in Catholic school, studying his teacher's outfit a little too closely. And finally there's the fact that whenever we talk about the lady who wears a box on her head we have to ask which one. Because there are two. One wears a regular brown cardboard box. The other is a little more fashion-forward, sporting a FedEx letter box. And yes, we're still planning on living among these neighbors for at least the first few months of Stetsi's life.

We added a couple of photos to the pregnancy album (link on the upper right of this page).

Progress

It's Day 4 of not having to work and I gotta say, I don't mind one bit. No sign of a nesting instinct kicking in because I'm too busy being lazy. Each time I skype with family lately, I'm usually laying down. Being able to read earlier in the day has made it possible for me to not fall asleep as easily. I really want to work on the Germany portion of our Sabbatical video but darn Vista on our new computer is not compatible with our video editing software so we'll see if I still finish it in time.

We had our first cervical dilation check today at the doctor's office. I am 2 cm's dilated, 85% effaced, and she's in the zero fetal station. To me, that means I'm 2 cm's away from being able to get an epidural - do not want to miss that window. Effacement refers to the length of the cervix so it makes sense that her head is thinning it out if I'm already 2 cm's dilated. The fetal station refers to "how low can she go" and zero means she's low and engaged, just 4 levels from literally showing her face to the world.

We were both so happy to hear that I was 2 cm's dilated but really only because we think progress is good. I'm ready when she is has become my motto; if I'm uncomfortable, she must be uncomfortable too. On the way home from the doctor's office, I started going back and forth again in my mind about how nice it would be to have a little more time off before she comes. I might still be late even with today's news. Nate is more ready than I am to do this because he remembers my discomfort episodes and whining a lot better than I do and he hates to see me like that.

Not only has Pepe been a big cuddler lately, he's also the only one in the family that has put on sympathy weight. As you saw from earlier post, Nate has failed miserably in that department. Pepe on the other hand deserves a medal and a diet.

Stetsi Hits The Dance Club

For the last few weeks, our doctor has told us regularly to make sure I count 10 movements within an hour to help indicate "all is good." Asking this of Stetsi is like asking our cats to get at least 10 minutes of sleep a day. I imagine Stetsi overhearing the doctor and saying "Come on, challenge me!" She decided to kick it to a whole new level Friday night when she decided to hit the Placenta Dance Club for over an hour while I was trying to fall asleep. After an hour, I thought I might as well try to capture some of her dance moves because I don't recall ever feeling her that strongly and regularly for over an hour. I picture her doing the "Elaine" dance from Seinfeld at moments because she literally jolts my entire body. My sleep has worsened. Instead of getting up 2-3 times a night, the last several nights have been 4-5 times. I know, it's only preparing me for what's to come...fan-frickin-tastic.

Here's the video of our little breakdancer. I'm holding the camera at my chin while I lay in bed slightly angled on my right side. I think it's the biggest around 25-40 seconds.

Holding Pattern

Well we’re now about two weeks from D-Day, so Stetsi could arrive at any time. And it really feels like we’re as prepared as we’re going to be and now we’re like a plane in a holding pattern. All ready to land and waiting for word from the control tower. Reinforcements are in place with Oma staged in Chicago with a flexible plane ticket. Nicole is now finished with work, which on one hand is great since she can focus on non-work stuff, and on the other hand could be boring if she isn’t able to do what she wants. But I have a feeling she’ll find plenty to do between working on the Germany part of the sabbatical video, watching movies, going for walks, reading…

As far as feeling prepared, that’s a mixed bag. We’re prepared for everything up until the moment we come home, after that we’re just ready to go with the flow without really knowing what to expect. And while we could use this time to “study up” on (gasp) raising our new baby, we’re both pretty burnt out with reading about baby stuff. Our hospital bags are packed with a few magazines and books, but nothing to do with babies.

Our front bedroom has made the transition from office/gym/living room into bedroom/gym. And we only had to bribe one friend to help move furniture around! I’m sure the mattress is happy to be out of storage for the first time in five years, and the room sure looks different.


Our bedroom is looking different too, with the addition of a dresser/changing table and co-sleeper/bassinet. Things are a bit crowded in there.

We attended a baptism class last night. It ended up being way more of a production than I expected, including having a video with questions and answers about baptism. I think the biggest thing I learned was that if I ever choose to convert, I won’t be re-baptized. With how exclusive Catholicism seems to me (I’m not allowed to take communion, etc.), this was a pleasant surprise. Regardless, it sounds like the baptism ceremony will be a great experience. And Stetsi is going to have two great Godparents to help her along!