On 2011

Looking back, many of our past few years are full of a lot of little events or accomplishments.  This year seems like it consisted entirely of two things:  our move to Munich and the pregnancy and birth of Paul and Elise.

In deciding to move, I don't think we fully appreciated just how difficult it would be to be so far from our friends and to make new friends here.  I was compiling a list of my favorite music of 2011, a longstanding tradition of ours that has declined over the last two years (just ask if you want the list), and I noticed that my list included mostly slow, sad songs.  Thinking about this, it occurred to me that we were probably in mourning for a good part of the year for the close friends that we were suddenly out of touch with.  Sure, we still e-mail or Skype occasionally, but where once we were in the middle of everything with our friends, now we were feeling much more remote.  Laying in bed trying to fall asleep after a 4 AM feeding last night I was likening this to an AM radio, where previously we were right by the station receiving it loud and clear, now we're at the edge of reception, making out a few words here and there and on a clear night maybe catching a few uninterrupted minutes.

As far as making new friends, unfortunately the language barrier is a bigger deal in that respect than we thought it would be.  Obvious why for me, but for Nicole a lot of her friendly banter in English is witty and sarcastic, which her German skills - while fine for getting around and having light-hearted conversation - don't allow.  There also don't seem to be many mid-30's people at the Intel office for some reason, perhaps they were whittled out in the cuts a few years ago, so I haven't found new friends through work either.

But make no mistake, this move to Germany was a large goal of ours for the past few years and we're really happy and proud that we made it happen and are living it.  No matter how it turns out, whether we return to the States soon or decide to live here long term, we know that we wouldn't want to look back in 20 years and say "I wonder what life would be like if we had lived abroad for a few years like we always talked about".

Of course we also complicated the move and adjustment by being pregnant and to our shocked surprise with more than one.  That moment in the doctor's office - me holding Lily while the doctor does the ultrasound and says "oh, there's another one" and Nicole completely losing it - is one I will never forget.  That, and watching both of our new babies emerge into the world.  Babies who are already changing and growing and doing new things, which 2012 is bound to be full of.

This post sounds like a downer, but we had plenty of good moments as well.  I got to see lots of new places for work... Milan, Paris, London and Stockholm stand out the most.  Lily's first German words and now phrases.  Visits from Portland friends and family.  A nice vacation in Slovenia and Austria.  Sunny Sundays at the outdoor swim park.  Lily's first snowman.

So 2012 is here, and I think we'll all be ok if the lows aren't quite as low and the highs aren't quite as high.  Even if they are, we survived 2011 so we're ready for whatever is in store.

3 weeks, Baptism Man, and Birthday

Captured this special moment the other day.  Was it worth the night we ended up having?  Nope, but glad I got the moment on camera. Life feels crazy and simple, loud and quiet, changing on a dime.  Having two flippin' babies at the same time has taken on a new perspective after just 3 weeks - having just one awake at a time during the day can be considered a good day.  Having to wake one who just fell asleep minutes ago when the other one wakes for a feeding hurts.  In the twins world, it's all about making sure they both eat at the same time or close to it.  Unlike with one where you let a sleeping baby sleep, not the case with twins if trying to maximize adult sleep. 

Elise and Paul were baptized the other day.  My cousin Boris (my Dad's Godson) is a Jesuit Priest in Innsbruck, Austria and was kind enough to travel to Munich to baptize the twins.  Lily calls him Baptism man which makes him seem like a super hero.  My sister, also their Godparent, was in town so it was an intimate family affair at the nearby St. Anton parish.  It was extra sweet to have it at St. Anton because my Dad was especially close to his sister named Anton who is deceased. 

Nate turned 35 yesterday.  Last year's birthday wasn't a particularly good one which is a bummer because it was literally his longest one ever.  We spent it flying from Germany to Chicago (making for a 31-hour day with the time change) with a 20 month old.  Enough said.  Not a fun day. This year turned out better.  Even though Nate began his Birthday awake at midnight pacing the house with a crying baby, got peed on by his daughter, and bought his wife some feminine hygiene products and washed my hydrogel booby pads during my feedings, he did manage to get out for a one hour bike ride.....would not have been possible without Sonya being here.  Thanks W-! 

Here are a couple more pics from Christmas time.  The last one is of our family Christmas dinner.  Nate has that look because we are holding 2 very fussy babies both wanting mom's and dad's pinky fingers to suck on which made it trying to eat Oma's yummy cooking and have a conversation over dinner. Regardless, it was really nice to be with family.

Christmas Time Moments

Within the midst of our sleep deprived fog and hamster on a wheel routine, we are still finding the magic of Christmas.  I will choose to remember the moments in these pictures as how our first Christmas season as a family of 5 (!) was celebrated.  

With Oma opening up the days Advent Calendar Gift.  Thanks Oma!

 Opa holding his namesake (and hand)

 Lily wearing her new shirt from Aunt Lolo and trying on her boots.

 Paul giving his Daddy a hug

 Snuggle time between Elise and Sonya

 Where the majority of our time is spent, in our bedroom.

Post feeding - my view of a sweet moment 

 A rare picture of me these days with my babies.

 Building a ginger bread house with our neighbor friend while babies are held in the background

 Oma and Lily playing with the same barbies Sonya and I played with decades ago

 Just hanging out together.  So crazy to me how different they look to me.

First Week with Twins

Looking back over the first week of life with Paul and Elise - surviving, being grateful, and being surprised is what comes first to mind.

I'll start with the positives because I need to do that to keep my sanity.  I had a few personal goals that I hoped I'd reach with this pregnancy.  I hoped for a vaginal birth onset by natural contractions.  BIG FAT CHECK.  Contractions started one day prior to our scheduled induction.  I got really lucky that the head doctor who we've been seeing had just started his shift when I was ready to push.  Elise came first with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck (scary enough) and then they did an ultrasound to see how Paul was positioned.  The doctor put on this elbow length glove and I could see his arm go inside of me on the ultrasound to try and turn Paul to no avail.  He later said he had to get Paul out within a few minutes or it would be C-section.  He worked his magic and Paul came out feet first (before the last push everything was out except his head) within 5 minutes.  I still choke up thinking about the miracle of this.  Not many doctors would have attempted this.

I hoped for the epidural to work this time and it did...at least when it needed to.  It didn't work from 1am to 8am while my contractions got stronger and stronger but the anesthesiologist came in 30 minutes before pushing began and hit me up with more and then the magic happened - epidurals are AMAZING.  No ring of fire, no pain, just push for the love of God, push.

I hoped for healthy and big babies carried to term (not 40 weeks term but 38 wks term) and I got 2 babies over 7 lbs. The babies are healthy; Elise has a deformation with 2 of her toes being much larger than the rest of her toes on one of her feet that will need to be operated on probably starting within 3 months but more on all that in future posts.  For now, there were no findings of correlations to internal problems on all the tests she went through at the hospital.  It looks like she's flashing a big peace sign with her 2 toes.

My final personal goal was breastfeeding.  I really enjoyed breastfeeding Lily after the hellish start so I wanted to give it a go again. My milk is in and I have enough of it.  They are starting to gain weight.  I'm starting to practice tandem nursing but wow, it's hard. Trying to get them to feed them at the same time is hard enough right now. How am I going to feed them in public? I have nipple pain and I don't get the breaks like I would if I only had one but the pain is not as bad as it was with Lily...hope I keep saying that.  I don't even want to say how much they are attached to my boobs right now, it's ridiculous.

I am surprised by how quickly I'm in love with Paul and Elise because I really didn't like my pregnancy and it took me a little while with Lily.  I thought I'd be in even more task mode with twins which turns out I am but it hasn't gotten in the way of just melting when I look at them.  I'm also surprised by how much awake time Paul and Elise are already having.  I thought the first week was all about eat and sleep.  Last night we were up from 2-4am with 2 very awake babies and now just finished a 3 hour stretch of them (o wait, Paul is still awake) being awake trying drive by feedings, another thorough feeding, and pacing and rocking - didn't miss that.  I thought that period was still coming of having to pace the house with crying babies praying so hard for them to fall asleep.

Nate and I can't help but think the thought probably all twin parents think from time to time - it would be so much easier if  it was just one.  I thought I'd be able to reap the benefits from surviving Lily and being trained to handle #2 but having twins almost throws it all out of the window because of all the help we need.

Lily is super sweet with her brother and sister always wanting to be around them which is great BUT when the time comes when we need to tell her to let them sleep or not stick her finger in their mouth, it's not a pretty sight as she throws a fit.

I was going to write about my hostage stay ---oops I meant to say hospital stay but I want to forget most of it.  I'd deal with all the crap again if it meant reaching my personal goals - wouldn't have said that in the moment when I was trying to tandem breastfeed with the families of my 2 roomies visiting on either side of me or when I really needed help and no one would come in the middle of the night.

Here are a few pics from the first week.

                                                                       Lil' with Paul

The family hanging out in the most used space this past week.

                                                             Elise and Paul with bears Lily placed by them

This was taken one week ago shortly before I went into labor.  At almost 40 weeks

                                                          One week later - hello feet

Joy and Purgatory

Extreme happiness.  And a feeling of being in a strange in-between state.  That's what's up. 

I'm sure you've all heard by now that the twins have made their grand entrance to the world.  Real contractions started around 11 PM on Dec 7 and by midnight we were at the hospital since the doctors had said to come right in once contractions began.  Things moved along through the night and by 8:13 the morning of the 8th, Elise Rinn had entered this fine world.  Her brother Paul Nicholas came five minutes later after a bit of acrobatics that I'm sure Nicole will cover in an upcoming blog.  Suffice to say, Elise & Paul had two overjoyed, overwhelmed, and exhausted parents who were still coming to grips with how different the experience was versus welcoming Lily. 

And that's basically where we still stand.  The twins are here and things are not easy, but they're probably about to get a lot harder.  Compared with Lily's arrival, I am definitely in limbo land at the moment.  With Lily, I was at Nicole's bedside from our arrival at the hospital until we left three days later.  But here, dads don't spend the night at the hospital.  Visiting hours are 8 AM to 8 PM and that's that.  So while I head home for a peaceful night's sleep, Nicole gets to deal with nighttime feedings pretty much on her own.  So while I've spent most of the twins' first three days at the hospital, I feel like I'm leading a dual life.  At the hospital during the day and coming home to put Lily to bed, relax, sleep soundly, get Lily up and ready, and hand her off to Oma and Opa for most of the day. 

Oma and Opa have been key to enabling this best of both worlds scenario, as they've powered through dealing with a two and a half year old's energy and challenges while I provide an extra set of hands and an opinion to Nicole and a familiar voice and a warm body to Paul and Elise.  It's hard to picture how frazzled Nicole would be without an extra set of hands there since the hospital we're at is just not optimized for helping new parents deal with twins.  It seems that the German standard for customer service (not quite what we spoiled Americans expect) extends into the hospital as well.  For example, Nicole was feeding one of the babies in the middle of the night last night and the other started wailing and she needed a hand to switch babies.  She called the nurses' station and was informed that it would be at least twenty minutes until someone could come to help.  Are you freaking kidding me?  Another example, Nicole needs to be examined by a doctor to be released from the hospital.  She informed the staff Friday evening that she would like this to be completed ASAP so that once the babies are ready to go home there are no more barriers.  Well here we are Saturday night and it hasn't happened yet.  Somehow a doctor couldn't find the time today to examine her.  Lame, lame, lame. 

So while the doctors and nurses here have been very thorough and cautious (more on that another time too) with the babies, we're starting to get fed up with waiting for every little thing and every estimate of how long things will take being short by a factor of two.  They keep saying things are busy with a lot of babies arriving, but come on, call in extra staff to take care of the baby boom. 

So that's where things stand.  I'm stocking up on sleep and remembering how easily holding a baby will make my wrists stiff, and Nicole could be getting halfway decent stretches of sleep too except that she's in a shared room with two Mom roommates who snore like Mack trucks.  Hopefully tomorrow will be the day we make our escape from the Frauenklinik.  I'm picturing us making a run for it, Nicole sprinting down the street with an open-back pink hospital gown and bare feet, holding one baby in each arm as the Munich snowflakes fall as lazily as the hospital staff. 

39 Weeks Pregnant with Twins

Just typing the title to this blog sounds absurd. I did not believe I'd make it this far. When I made it to 38 weeks, there was a moment when I felt proud of the accomplishment but at this point, I am just too miserable, too huge and too useless. At my appointment last week, the doctor did a quick ultrasound and said that there's still fluid and babies look good. That's it. He didn't give me weights and didn't check my cervix. He was so laid back about it which on one hand can exude confidence but on the other irritates me for not being a bit more thorough because hey, this is kind of a big deal. There is no medical reason to induce but he's fine if I want to schedule induction based purely on my level of discomfort because he said at this point there is no real benefit to keeping them in me longer; he says they're big enough. I decided against being induced because I would like the contractions to start naturally but I haven't even had a contraction yet so I might just schedule an induction after all for next week.  Lily ended up getting the flu and Nate got some kind of energy zapping cold or bug the last couple of days so there's a positive for not going into labor yet.

Another positive of still being pregnant is that I have been able to enjoy the amazing Christmas market season in Munich. It's the first year that I'm on the look out for benches more than what the booths are offering but just the atmosphere is really magical. I also got to witness Lily meeting St Nicklaus at one of her playgroups on Friday. I got choked up because I remember (probably more from pictures) doing the same thing around her age when I lived in Frankfurt.  She was a bit scared of him as you can tell from her trying to hide behind my belly but overall did well warming up enough to grab her gift from him.  We haven't figured out how to explain the differences between St Nicklaus (more bishop looking that comes a couple weeks before Christmas), the Christkind that brings the gifts on Christmas Eve, and then Santa who she wants to talk to to tell him she would like a work bench and hammer for Christmas (she's helped Daddy build a lot of Ikea furniture this year).

So the waiting continues...

The Waiting Game

At one of Nicole's first doctor appointments during this pregnancy the doctor said they probably wouldn't let her go beyond Dec. 1 without inducing.  Between this statement and our reading about how early twins tend to come, we had our fingers crossed that they babies would keep baking until November.  Now here we are closing in on December and the babies seem more than happy to stay in the oven.  Maybe the fact that Nicole is on de facto bed rest has something to do with it.  She's been laying down uncomfortably resting for most of the afternoon after we made the walk up to one of the many Christmas markets that have now sprung up around Munich.  It was probably just over a mile of walking and left her exhausted.

I had planned to take the rest of my vacation when the babies came, and now I'm at the point where I need to start burning the vacation days before they go poof at the end of the year.  I guess I should be happy that I get to take a few days off with relative calm at home, taking Lily to her play groups and going out for short runs whenever naps happen. And we even got out to take Lily ice skating after she's been talking about it for a year.  No double-bladed skates here so she had to make do with "real" skates and holding daddy's hand.  Of course after a while she decided she wanted to skate by herself and that I shouldn't touch her.  She did pretty well all in all and liked enough that she wants to go back again.

Everything is in place, Oma is in position waiting for the first signs of labor. We have drawers full of diapers that seem smaller than any Lily was ever in, and about fifteen little hats waiting to keep their little heads nice and toasty now that we're waking up to below-freezing temperatures.  Oma and I are trading off cooking duties and introducing new foods to each other, my quinoa to her chicory.  We did have a nice non-traditional Thanksgiving dinner of pork loin wrapped in prosciutto since a whole turkey isn't the easiest thing to come by here. 

So we're waiting, waking up every morning wondering if this will be the day that the next adventure begins.  And if not, at least we're getting lots of rest, something we probably won't be saying within a couple of weeks.

To Lily - Our First - A Gift for You

Dear Lily,

Because you enjoy your 1st year video montage so much, we thought you might like a couple more to give you an idea of what you were up to for the last year and a half, from 1-2.5 years. This was made shortly before your brother and sister are due to arrive. Our hope is that you enjoy these as much as an adult as you do now.

There really was a time when we were a family of 3. There really was a time when you were our one and only child. There really was a time when it was all about you.

From Exported Videos

From Exported Videos

love

Momma and Daddy

35 Weeks Pregnant with Twins

I've made it to 35 weeks with this twin pregnancy. My doctor isn't concerned if they show up now even though 37 weeks is considered full term for twins. I'm pretty darn miserable physically and mentally but I'm not at the breaking point of wanting them out of me; I would like them to bake for another couple weeks. The discomfort at this point is very much due to lack of sleep, this weird "am I getting a pap smear right now?" stinging feeling whenever I'm on my feet for too long, and the feeling like my bladder is being pinched and poked. You're supposed to drink 64 oz of water a day; I'm so thirsty, I easily drink 3x that during the day and I'm not exercising at all. I'm jealous of Nate doing these adventures exploring Munich with Lily on the bike or going to the zoo. I'm just not willing to put up with the pain and the risk right now. Maybe I'll join in on the outings if I get to 37 weeks to help get them out. Who knows. At least I have been able to work on a project for Lily that I'll post soon as a gift to her before her world turns upside down.

Here's me at 35 weeks, easily the biggest I've ever been in my life. So, I'll be celebrating my 33rd Birthday as my biggest self and with the knowledge that I'm about to be a 33 year old mom with 3 kids under 3. NEVER thought I would say that.

Meanwhile, Behind the Scenes

In the theme of the previous post, I was able to check another lingering thing off the list this week.  I finally got my German driver's license.  We don't usually blog about stuff like this, but this process was so... well, foreign, that I thought some of you would at least get a laugh out of it. 

We'll start with the fact that for some Americans moving to Germany, getting a German license is very easy.  Like walk in to the equivalent of the DMV, hand them your American license and get a shiny new German one.  But like many other things in this move, it wasn't quite that easy for us.  Oregon, like a few other US states, has only a partially reciprocal agreement with Germany.  So if you have an Oregon driver's license, you have to take a theory (written) test before getting your German license.  A few states have no agreement, so you have to take a theory test and a practical (driving) test, so at least we got some kind of break. 

So that's it, I had to take a theory test of thirty questions.  But the process of getting to take the test is where the fun lies.  It could be so easy, right?  Like walk in to the DMV equivalent, let's call it the KVR since that's what it is in Munich, and say "I'd like to take the theory test to get my German license", take the test, get the license and be on your merry way.  Even if someone could have just told me what the process was with reasonable certainty then I'd have been happy.  Instead I was left to browse message boards and web sites and get about fifty different interpretations of what I needed to do.  Anyway, here's what I actually did:

1.  Got my Oregon license translated into German at ADAC, the German equivalent of AAA, cost ~40 euro, time spent ~1 hour.
2.  Went to KVR to try to register to take the theory test.  They said I needed to register with a driving school.  I had read conflicting info about whether I needed to do this, so I took a shot.  cost free, time ~2.5 hours, mostly waiting.
3.  Registered at a driving school.  This is the part that is completely ridiculous.  All I needed to do was take the test.  All the driving school did was give me a slip of paper to take to the KVR, call me when I was "approved" to take the test, and schedule the test time with TUV (the testing place).  If there is a worse example of pointless bureaucracy, I'd like to see it.  This might be ok if it weren't so expensive.  Cost 240 euro, time ~2 hours.  Ok, 40 euros were for an online practice test app, but I figured if I'm spending this much money and time I might as well pass it on the first shot.
4.  Went back to KVR.  They took my piece of paper from the driving school and my money and sent my file to Berlin.  Cost ~40 euro, time ~2 hours. 
5.  Waited.  They said it would take two to four weeks for the application to be processed.  It took just over five.  Meanwhile I studied a lot and learned things like how "hashish" consumption can make one unfit to drive,  "pavement" means sidewalk in German English, and if you have something on your roof it can only project 50cm in front of your car, and only if it's above 2.5m.  Cost free, time many hours studying.
6.  Scheduled the test.  After five weeks in purgatory, the driving school called and we scheduled a time to take the test at TUV about two weeks out.  Apparently lots of people want to take the test so you need to book it a couple of weeks in advance.  Lovely, more waiting.  Cost free, time 5 minutes.
7.  Took the test.  Of course the test isn't given at the same office as licenses are given.  Of course.  Germans may be known for their efficiency, but this is apparently lacking in government offices.  America is no model of government efficiency, but they shine in comparison.  As for the test itself, it is thirty questions, multiple choice.  But multiple answers can be correct, and you must select all correct answers.  Yes, an added evil twist.  Each question has a point value from two to five, and you can miss a total of ten points and still pass.  But you can only miss one five-pointer.  You can essentially miss one or two questions out of thirty and know you'll pass.  So the pressure is on.  The one HUGE positive in this whole process was that I could take the test in English.  If that wasn't an option, I would have been in German classes for the past three months.  Maybe that would have been more productive, but that's another story.  Anyway, cost free (pre-paid in the driving school fees), time 2 hours.
8.  Yes, there's more.  Got the license.  I had a glimmer of hope that after passing the test they'd just give me my license, but hey, why not -- in the words of Cake -- prolong the magic?  I finished (and passed) the test last Friday at about 2:30.  Of course the KVR closed at noon.  Sigh.  So I went back to the KVR Monday morning fully expecting another hour-plus wait and some snag that would take another month to resolve.  I guess they weren't in a sadistic mood that day and I only had to wait five minutes (total time ~1 hour including biking there and back) before getting my shiny new German license and even got my Oregon license back as well.  They didn't even charge me, I guess they just plain gave up.

If you were keeping track at home, that was 280 euros and about ten hours plus studying time.  At least I didn't have to do the practical test, since that costs well over a thousand euros and hours of required instruction at the driving school. 

Anyway, here's the finished product.  After that process, is it any surprise that I look like a depressed zombie?

Crossing Things Off the List

We are inching further every day towards... chaos? Double the joy? Sleeplessness? Fulfillment? Insanity? I guess one thing we're not inching towards is certainty of what we're getting ourselves into. In that way, this time around the block is very similar to the first time. We know life will be changing significantly, just not exactly how. I guess we'll find out soon enough.

In the meantime, we're continuing to slowly prepare. I'm nearing the end of a push to finish up all of my work travel by the end of October. Turns out I'm pushing the deadline a bit with a trip to the middle of nowhere in Northern France for a quick visit to a big customer at the beginning of November. But that will be it, after that, an indefinite travel ban. The past couple of weeks have been hectic with trips to the UK and Spain and a few customer visits in other Bavarian cities, and I know it's been tough for Nicole to have me away even for a night here and there as she gets more uncomfortable as the days drag on and that's usually also when Lily gets tougher to handle. Luckily Oma and Opa are back from Chicago and have come to Munich this week while I was away for two nights instead of one.

I was finally able to go to one of Nicole's doctor appointments this morning, for the first time since the first appointment. Between work, trips and someone needing to look after Lily, I just haven't been able to make the timing work. Today Oma and Opa picked up Lily from her play group, so I could go along to see the twins specialist who has a top of the line ultrasound machine. And pretty much the whole visit was watching the big flat screen as the doctor took a ton of measurements and talked about what she saw. First, the good news is that all is good with both babies, they're still growing as if it was a singleton pregnancy and they still have room to move around in there. Nicole now has about eight and a half pounds of baby in her, almost as much as when Lily was born. And yes, the babies hopefully have another month to six weeks to go.

The boy had his face towards Nicole's spine, so we couldn't take a look at his face. But we got a great view of the little girl as, with the push of a button, the doctor went into 3D mode and there she was in all her glory. Our first reaction was that she looked a lot like Lily when we got a 3D ultrasound of her at about the same "age". And when we looked back at Lily's 3D picture vs. her as a baby, it was definitely accurate. So we'll see if we end up with two little girls who look... well, like twins.

We still have a long list of things we would like to get before the babies arrive, but nothing completely critical. We don't have a 2nd infant car seat yet, but since we live a block from the hospital, even that isn't a necessity. Yes, it is easier to buy things now compared to after they arrive so we need to get our act together soon, but for the moment we've been slacking. Maybe we've just been waiting for the weather to turn while we have fun around town with Lily, and since the high temperature this weekend isn't supposed to crack 50, it may just be a productive weekend. And if not, hopefully the babies stay put while we procrastinate.

30 Weeks Pregnant and Missing Good Ol' USA

Today I really miss America. I had an appointment today at the hospital I'll be delivering at.
Because it's normal here for the doctor I'm seeing throughout the pregnancy to not do delivery, I had to schedule a prep appointment at the hospital for paperwork and tests so they can get my data on record using their stuff. Just trying to go with the flow here. I was already warned by enough that it's an old building outside and inside so not what you might be used to but the staff is amazing.

I will be sharing a room with 2 - 3 other people and bathrooms are not attached to the rooms. Husbands don't spend the night as there are no sleeping accommodations. I was most looking forward to meeting some of the staff and confirm my assumption that they speak great English given that it's a University Hospital . My appointment lasted 3 hours and 30 minutes of it was actually doing something other than sitting on a wooden bench uncomfortably waiting. No padded chairs here. My assumption was wrong. Not only was the English poor but the people I met were cold and made me feel very rushed. Yeah I have more questions than a German patient - deal with it. The combination of the interior looking like the inside of the hotel from The Shining crossed with the mental institution from One Flew over The Cookoo's Nest and the unfriendliness just gave way for a meltdown. Of all places, where did I lose it? In the communal bathroom peeing in a cup. I really needed familiarity and kindness and I didn't get it. Sleep deprived, hormonal, and physically uncomfortable = Emotional!

Good news is the babies are looking good, over 3 lbs each now. I'm hoping for a normal birth but unfortunately they are both in breech position. I have to go back to the hospital in 3 weeks to check position again and possibly start talking about the C-section process. They are moving A LOT these days so I'm hopeful they can still flip.

Here I am at 30 weeks pregnant now and when I was 36 weeks pregnant with Lily. I can't tell a difference in size.

Things Are Different This Time Around

Going through this pregnancy has been a different for me too, at least as far as preparation. When Lily was in the oven (or Heino or Stetsi as she was known at that time), I was reading a decent number of books to try to equip myself for what was about to happen to us. They were all useful and I'm glad I did as much reading as I did, but it's been a lot less this time. Most of it is because we've been through labor and delivery and the first weeks and months and years before, so I find myself wondering less about specific things and more about just how crazy the first few days and weeks are going to be, and even though the twin-specific books talk about that, for some reason I just feel like we know what we'll have to do, it's just going to be tough in that moment.

I was wondering about different things to expect during delivery so I was reading about this one day while riding the U-bahn home from work. Things got a bit graphic with the intricate details of C-sections and between that and sitting backwards riding in the dark under the city, I found myself feeling a bit queasy and decided that reading about medical procedures while in motion was not on the list of things I should do.

Our birthing classes start in a couple of weeks. Unfortunately of the six weeks, I already know that I'll miss two while on business trips. What I don't know is how much I'll get out of the four that I can attend, since they'll be in German. I haven't started any classes or particularly focused effort on learning German since arriving almost six months ago, so I can't really hold a conversation about the weather, much less about the act of giving birth. I picture myself sitting in this class madly typing words into my phone's translation app. Oh well, I'm sure we'll manage one way or another once the twins arrive, whether I have a clue what's going on at the hospital or not. As long as two healthy babies end up in my arms I'll be happy.

Ok, I have to include a picture, so here we are yesterday having fun at Oktoberfest. Since before coming here I had no idea what Oktoberfest would be like, I can now compare it to two Portland things... if you take the fair/midway of the Rose Festival combined with the Beer Fest and multiply both by about ten, that might be close. And part of the 10x of the Beer Fest would be to take the tents and turn them into huge semi-permanent buildings that hold about 5,000 people. So yeah, it's a little crazy but it has something for everyone. Including corn on the cob, which for some reason is not common here. I was waiting for it to hit the grocery store all summer and only in the last couple of weeks did I accept that it was just not going to happen. Anyway, this post has taken a 90 degree turn, so I'll just wrap it up here...

Brotzeit and Oktoberfest

I didn't think the nap would already be a hit or miss with a not even 2.5 year old Lily but I have to accept that she won't nap each time I put her down. At least I get quiet time from her most days.

My belly is growing fast these days. I'm getting close to how I looked at the end with Lily and I still have at least a couple months to go. The babies are each weighing almost 2.5 pounds and they are very active which means they hopefully have quite a bit more room to still grow. The other day I mentioned that my butt bone hurt so Lily decided to run over and kiss my butt booboo to make me feel better. So wrong but pretty cute.

It was fun to hear from one of her teachers on Friday that she spoke her first German word at "school." After the morning song, they have Brotzeit which means bread time or morning snack. Apparently Lily yelled "BROTZEIT!" and ran to the other room where her lunch box was and sat right down to eat. Of course her first word would be associated with food.

There is a book of German songs that my grandparents sung to my parents and my parents sang to me and now I sing to Lily. It has been so cool hearing Lily now sing the songs herself. She doesn't know what most of them mean but she can just flip a page and start singing away.



Today was opening day of Oktoberfest. Before the Fest officially opens, there is a parade through Munich mainly of horses pulling kegs of beer from each of the breweries and the workers drinking beer and waving to the crowd in their dirndls and lederhosen. They all end up at the Fest where the Lord-Mayor taps the first keg and the drinking can begin. You can't help but fall in love with a fest where you feel like the outsider if you're not wearing a dirndl or lederhosen. Living in the neighborhood sure draws a different perspective. Nate passed a carriage full or ladies drinking beer in dirndls at 9am on his way to the grocery store and Lily can't go to a park she goes to a couple times a week because there will be too many passed out drunks and men peeing there. There's a good reason for a good downpour after the Fest.

Here's a pic from the parade

School Daze

Ok, it's not really school, but Lily's started to go to a German play group. Her first day was this past Thursday and she was really excited to go, even if she had no idea what she was getting herself into. Since Nicole is due in about three months and will probably need to slow down as the time comes, we thought it was important to get Lily into some kind of non-parent driven activity a few times a week. There's actually a second play group starting in another couple of weeks too and once that's underway she'll be at the "spiel gruppes" four days a week for three hours a day. Oh, and they're German-speaking, so hopefully she'll be picking up more German in a hurry too. Nicole stayed the whole time on Thursday to ease the transition and left Lily alone with the group for about half the time Friday and apparently she did just fine. So the changes continue around here.

Besides going to "school by myself", Lily keeps on changing too. She definitely challenges us a lot these days, but in general she's a really sweet and fun girl. She loves to go to the pool and ride her balance bike, and is constantly singing. Seriously, I think she sings about half the time she's awake. Over the past couple of months she's actually started carrying a tune too, so that's at least nice for our ears. She's definitely a protective little girl though, always making sure no one is using anything that's hers. Including her house. Most of the time we see someone in our apartment building, and sometimes just when we're out around town, she'll say "no go to my house", as in "I don't want that person to go to my house". Not sure where that one came from. Others are a little more obvious, like at the play group they have a snack time (called "brotzeit" which literally translates to "bread time" which I find hilarious) where the kids take out their little snack boxes and chow down. Lily sits between two other kids who of course are curious about what she has, so she sits with one hand covering her food in the box and the other stuffing it into her mouth. Pretty funny.

Here are some pics and video from our past couple of weeks of swimming adventures. Lily saw some other girls jumping from the starting blocks in the lap pool and decided she wanted to do the same thing, but only if Mommy would hold both her hands. The pictures are from today when we went to a great outdoor pool facility a short bike ride from our place. A great kiddie pool, a big play pool with a big slide and a big 50m lap pool. My favorite Munich pool yet, and the weather was so nice we even had a picnic.

Things are Different this Time Around

I never thought I'd be saying things like "the babies are playing footsie in my belly" or "I can't do the dishes tonight because my hoo-ha hurts" or even "our family might actually be too big to fit in a normal size car." I'm 25 weeks pregnant and feeling probably the best I will for a long time. I'm now busying myself reading books and making lists. So a plus, I'm learning a lot and starting to actually prepare for the craziness. On the other side, those nerves are acting up. I am actually most nervous about keeping these babies in my belly as long as possible based purely on my gut or the fact that I feel so much pressue on my gut and everything else around there. I'm a bit bummed how much extra work there is for us to figure things out because we're in Germany such as what does insurance cover, where to best buy diapers in bulk (read that twins use over 5000 diapers in their first year!), finding a twins support network in town, gosh, just getting random things done in a convenient way that we took for granted in the States.

My identity is soley tied to pregnancy and Lily right now. I really miss playing tennis, taking my urban hikes, being active and my Lompoc girls nights. When will I be able to reclaim myself again? I did experience a sliver of my old self today probably making a silly decision riding my bike on a perfect summer afternoon around Munich. I had to do it. I felt like the old Nicole for a moment. I wish I could exercise as much as I did when I was pregnant with Lily, but the doctors and books really stress taking it easy since twin pregancies are much higher risk.

Here are recent pregnancy pics comparing myself at 24 weeks pregnant now and with Lily. I'm about 6 weeks ahead in terms of size this time around.

Vacation Pics

We just got back from a nice two week vacation, wanted to share a few pictures. We spent our time at two Alpine lakes, one in Slovenia and one in Austria, with a night outside of Salzburg on the way. A great time altogether, we'll probably be looking back fondly on these pictures for a long time.

August 2011 Family Trip - Austria and Slovenia

Emma Hermine Elisabeth Brocks Biegansky

I have heard quite a few stories about my grandma (Oma) Emma Brocks (my Dad's mom) like when she stood in the wrong line at the German border looking for her POW husband and ended up in a prison camp for about a year while her 6 children lived on a farm during war time practically fending for themselves. My Oma had 6 children during the 1930's which actually isn't true, she had 7. My Dad's older sister had a twin brother who died at 6 months of age. My Dad didn't share this with me until after I told them I was having twins which initially completely blew me away. I can't blame him for not remembering or not thinking to tell me. He was born 6 years after the little baby boy Elmar died and it was war time. One of my Dad's earliest memories was running to a bunker during a bomb raid. I can't even imagine how his parents survived those times. Keeping lots of stories, photos, and keepsakes of the twin probably just wasn't a priority like staying alive was.

I am having a boy and girl as well just like my Oma. I never got to have a relationship with her. I lived far away and she died when I was still young. On one hand, I really wish she was here to share this twins experience with her but on the other hand, I already feel so much closer to her just knowing I am the one who will keep the twins tradition alive in the Biegansky family, hopefully with more success this time thanks to the time we live in. I find it so odd that of all the grandkids, I'm the only one pregnant with twins. My Dad has passed on a lot more than interesting stories to me, also the twins gene. With all the fear I have about not only having twins but being a mom to 3 kids, I do find comfort when I think about how special it is that I share something quite rare with my grandma.

Here is a picture of my grandma and the whole family. My dad is on the far right and you can guess who my grandma is.

The Elaine

Last weekend already feels so long ago but definitely not forgotten. My spa getaway was wonderful, felt almost unreal how beautiful it all was and how spoiled I felt. I feel the need to give a shout out just in case any of you might ever get the chance to go here. It's the Kranzbach hotel right by Garmisch. It's a modern spa hotel plus a castle for lodging surrounded by the Alps - yes the weekend was too short.

This past week was nice and low key. Sure seems like Germany closes up shop in August. My 2 playgroups and one movement class closed up shop this week until September. Good thing we'll be very German-like and take a nice long 2 week vacation (more on that in a future post).

I have a big appointment tomorrow with the twins specialist center to make sure all is ok. We also find out the sexes, woohoo! I've been more nervous lately because of how I feel and just the fact that I have officially cracked open the books and started reading about being pregnant with twins. I feel A LOT of pressure down you know where and I'm not that big yet. I also feel a lot of pain, especially in the evening, which I assume is just everything stretching but still, it scares me. My level of fatigue still is abnormally high even though this is when I should feel best. What I've read so far is about the importance of gaining a lot of weight and taking it extra easy to best ensure the babies stay inside me for as long as possible. My main takeaway from the books so far is that I have to be extra careful because carrying two is risky and not natural for our bodies. I was hoping to read more reassuring statements instead of warnings but maybe I just started with the wrong couple books.

Anyway, looking forward to finding out the sexes and hopefully not getting any kind of scary news about the twins or the doctor telling me to go on bedrest.

Here's a picture from this morning going out for Breakfast. I also included a short video of Lily dancing today at the train station by our place. Our station plays classical music and Lily does the Elaine dance from Seinfeld to it. Maybe I shouldn't sign her up for a dance competition.

Disaster Averted

Well, it finally happened. It took so long it's almost embarrasing. It had been rumored to be happening soon for a long time, and the time finally arrived. Nicole spent a night away from Lily. In fact, two. And I know it's amazing, but everyone survived.

Nicole had intended to do a weekend getaway with a girlfriend or two quite a while ago before we left Oregon, but it just never happened for no particular reason. And with the chaos that will arrive in a few months, it was really now or never. So Friday afternoon she packed a bag and set off with her old high school friend for a spa getaway near the Alps south of the city.

Let me just say it really could have been a horrible, horrible weekend. About an hour after Nicole left, Lily was playing but kind of laying around and mentioned that her tummy hurt. I didn't really pay it much attention and we went for a little bike ride. But during dinner she was obviously not herself, not really eating and acting really tired. And after more laying around and acting very sleepy, as we were heading up to her room she puked all over. Uh oh. The only other time this happened, Lily was puking for hours and it was a miserable night with all of us getting sick. She had a fever so I gave her some medicine and decided to proceed with bedtime as normal. After that I prepared for the worst, taking a preventative dose of Advil and taking care of everything that might need doing in the next 24 hours in case we were a complete mess. I decided that night not to tell Nicole about our little mishap unless we ended up in the ER or something, I didn't want her to worry. I went to sleep early fully expecting to wake up within a couple of hours with either or both of us grossly ill.

But lo and behold, I woke up as usual, with Lily calling from her crib at a normal hour. Her fever was gone and mine never arrived. We played it safe that day and just went for a couple of short bike rides to the center of town to see the "tower dolls", but everything was fine. Crisis averted.

Anyway, besides that whole misadventure, the weekend went really well. We had fun together and did things that we don't usually do with Mommy, like eat Döner. I think my takeaway from the weekend was twofold, I'm ready to do it again whenever (at least until the twins arrive), and I have a little better insight into the realities of the routine we're pretty rigid about: there are a few hours after breakfast and before nap time to go do something fun, there's nap time (at least in theory there's napping going on, probably a subject for another blog), there's time after the nap for a small outing or combine it with dinner out, and then it's time for bed. There's not a whole lot of room there for getting creative, especially without a car. When Nicole's around, we're ping-ponging between us with errands and getting out for exercise, but when it's just one of us it's like we are very much locked into the routine.

And of course now I realize I didn't take a single picture the whole weekend. Oh well, hopefully Nicole can have another getaway while she's still feeling pretty good.

Giggly Lily Thanks to Silly Daddy

Wanted to share something that I just think is really cool and fun to watch....silly Nate with his giggly Lily. Here is Lily at 5 months and again now at 2 years giggling to the same silly kissing technique from her Daddy.

Good Times

Things are looking up here. We had a great weekend and the past week was really good as well. We even managed to hang a couple of pictures on the wall today. Of course Nicole feeling better has a lot to do with the good times, but a lot of the credit goes to Lily. Lately she's been fun to be around more often than not, really putting smiles on our faces just by being herself. She's surprising us a lot with new words or actions, it's almost hard to keep pace.



Now if she sees someone crying she'll point out that "she's sad", and will sometimes offer the sad person food or a toy to "make them feel better". Really cute to see. She's also a big singer now, loving to sing her German songs even if she has no idea what they mean and her Music Together songs from her classes back in Portland. This past week or so she's started joining in when we sing some of her songs to her... guess we have to figure out three part harmonies now.



Ok, this feels braggy now so I'll take it down a notch to share something Lily got from her Mama. Nicole loves to grunt when she plays tennis and has managed to pass this along to her daughter. Video proof is below.



Another funny one... she knows that Mama has babies in her belly, and one of our neighbors has a rather large grown son. You probably can guess the rest, but yes, Lily pointed out that this guy had babies in his belly too. And yes, he understands English just fine.

Ok, ok, enough for now.